Losing it

So, something happened the other day. I was editing videos on iMovie, prepping for some youtube posting and realized I had to scurry off to an event with my friends. So I left my computer in the state of open application and off I went. I returned to find a dark screen and a spinning beach ball. I thought, "oh you are sleeping. Please wake up" and I made to wake it.

It never woke up.

I was, needless to say, distraught. I was panicked, really. So much was on that computer. I brought it to my dad and we spent a day trying to restore it, deciding it wasn't coming back and buying a newer bigger hard drive. Now I have more space than I can ever use.

But for a week+ I had maybe 8 applications. Only 4 of which were of any use. Blah. I had lost all of my music, so I spent a week uploading all my CD's again. Still, it's not the same.

Last night, my Dad uploaded all the last applications I needed. I have all the old ones back now.

I compare this thing to a body.

Imagine going to sleep one night and come morning you find you cannot wake up. Or move. You just lay there. You are aware of things but cannot be involved. So someone comes along and gives you a new brain. When you awake, you can see and walk, but you can't really feel your body and a lot of things aren't as easy to remember. You can remember how to talk on a very basic level, and walk (though unsteadily). It's just hard to be numb. Slowly, you can feel your chest again. Your face too. And you are learning more words. Still, you miss your limbs and how easily they used to move and the cool things you could do and feel.

One day, someone gives you a big meal full of things you can almost remember eating. And afterwards, you stand up and can feel your legs. You wiggle your toes in the carpet and know it. And your arms are fully functional too! And suddenly, all those big words are easy again. Sure, you don't remember a lot of math, or stories you heard. And not every word is back, but you suddenly know that you'll be okay.

Well. I have my body back and I can feel again. So, I'll be okay.

Updating the schedule

Okay, things were rough and didn't go as according to plan. But we'll survive!!!

Tuesday:
5 am- Get up
7 am- Work
2:30 pm- Off work
4:30 pm- Class: turn in lesson plans, lantern report, masters art
7 pm- Out of class/Go home
7:45 pm- Get home
8:30 pm- House drawings/stencil work/textures
10 pm- Bed

Wednesday:
5 am- Get up
7 am- Go to school
8:30 am- Class
11:30 am- Out of class/Go to Laura's?
2:30 pm- Back to school
3:30 pm- Class
6 pm- Out of class
7 pm- Institute
8:30 pm- Home
9 pm- Home taught
10 pm- Bed

Thursday:
5 am- Get up
7 am- Work
2:30 pm- Off work
3 pm- Home
4 pm- Finish Comp. homework
8:30 pm- Office at Skittles
10 pm- Bed

Friday:
5 am- Get up
6 am- Go to school
7:15 am- Final
10 am- Turn in comp. stuff
12:15 pm- Haircut
2:30 pm- Home
3 pm- Sleep
4:30 pm- Go to work
5 pm- Work
12:30 am- Off work
1:30 am- Bed

We'll see what happens this time.

Schedules and stuff

So, I have a lot to do and short amount of time to do it. Arg.

Saturday-
8 am- Get up
10 am- Work
7 pm- Off work
7:30 pm- Ward Christmas party
9 pm- Home from WCP??
9:30 pm- Clean my room
11 pm- Bed

Sunday-
8 am- Get up
10 am- Be ready for church
10:30 am- Make sure house is clean/Homework: House drawing!
12:30 pm- Go to church
4:30 pm- Home again
5 pm- Show house sometime to girl
6 pm- Homework: House drawings, shoe, stencil, lesson plans, lantern report, masters art
9 pm- Bed

Monday-
5 am- Get up
7 am- Go to school
8:30 am- Class: turn in houses and shoe
11:30 am- Out of class/go to Laura's/Brown portfolio
2:30 pm- Back to school
3:30 pm- Class: Turn in stencil work
6 pm- Out of class/Go home
7 pm - Get home
7:30 pm- Homework: lesson plans, lantern report, masters art
10 pm- Bed

Tuesday:
5 am- Get up
7 am- Work
2:30 pm- Off work
4:30 pm- Class: turn in lesson plans, lantern report, masters art
7 pm- Out of class/Go home
7:45 pm- Get home
8:30 pm- Homework assigned on Monday
10 pm- Bed

Wednesday:
5 am- Get up
7 am- Go to school
8:30 am- Class
11:30 am- Out of class/Go to Laura's
2:30 pm- Back to school
3:30 pm- Class
6 pm- Out of class
7 pm- Institute
9 pm- Home
10 pm- Bed

Thursday:
5 am- Get up
7 am- Work
2:30 pm- Off work
3 pm- Home
4 pm- Finish Comp. homework
8:30 pm- Office at Skittles
10 pm- Bed

Friday:
5 am- Get up
6 am- Go to school
7:15 am- Final
10 am- Turn in comp. stuff
12:15 pm- Haircut
2:30 pm- Home
3 pm- Sleep
4:30 pm- Go to work
5 pm- Work
12:30 am- Off work
1:30 am- Bed

We'll see what happens...

I beg for days to know

Yes. It is late. But I needed to fix my budget spreadsheet before I forgot. And I did. It is now awesome.

I am feeling in a relatively good mood. Being productive has that affect on me. Also, I got two Christmas presents done today. :D

Thanksgiving is tomorrow (today!) and I approach it with mixed feelings. Being allergic to gluten leaves a lot to be desired when eating. I can spend a fortune on gluten-free, almost normal tasting foods, but it costs (ha ha, sob) a fortune. I am not made of fortunes.

So this gluten free thanksgiving is the first of forever many. My family, though, has been entirely lovely and accommodating. My parents have invested in gluten free stuffing, pie, and something else I cannot recall. Lucky me, potatoes and jello and turkey do not have gluten in them or even in their foody minds. How truly awesome.

My sister, who is supremely cool, has taken to going gluten free too. We both have killer stomach problems and she is trying all kinds of things to see what helps. She was (perhaps still is?) going dairy free. She cut out high acidic foods. And now, no gluten.

Lack of gluten is rough. But I am determined to live, not survive--live, and to eat yumminess.

Oh noes!!!

I went to go to bed and discovered my clothes had congregated on it, sipped the thread kool-aide, and now I have a massive number of clothing corpses to dispose of. And it is very late. I am tempted to merely sleep beneath them.

Rar rar rar.

More time for me to exist, please.

For serious.

And missionaries are dangerous dodgeball players. When they put on the tag, they become terminators. Unbelievable strength in those boys. I wanted to catch a ball and it jammed my wrist. My good one. The one I have to use to do art with. *panic* I NEED that hand!!!!!!!!! I can't use it!!!!!! *über panic*

*runs away screaming*

My sister

My sister is insanely brilliant. She thinks through things before coming to conclusions. She works hard and dedicates herself to goals. She speaks eloquently and respectfully, and explains her views clearly. She is beautiful and strong and I admire her so much. :)

Here's an example of why:

Awesome smartitude

Check her out. She's an awesome sandwich.

What makes it Shiny...

Why I love my new CD the point of appropriate distraction.

Amazing lyrics combined with intense melodies.

It feels like you're letting go.
I beg for days to know
Why you're letting go.
Bring on the poison
Thoughts in your throat!
I beg for days to know
Why you're letting go.

Maybe it's all around to see
If we try.
And Maybe it's been inside of me
All this time.
Love love love...
Where did it come from and where
Does it go?
If it were right in front of me
Would I know?
Love love love...

Voices,
A child in sound,
Fades away
For silence has spoken...
Painfully, I prepare a release
And poison takes me away.
From this world you left below,
I'm going to meet you,
I've come to take you home.

Call my name!
Answer me, where I stand.
Now the clouds are twisting higher,
Planting arrows away,
Loose in the darkness of the streets
Are my electricity.
This will go no further,
I swear, it dies today.
Your nights will stay forever
If you dare once more touch me.

These broken days won't last forever
You know I'll put us back together.
We climb! We crawl!
Tear down the wall
That we've torn down before!
It's not too late, this song will say
What I never say.



I mean, the lyrics are great and you don't even know how the music goes! Sad to be without it, I think.

Welcome

Enter the Season of Poison with me.



I have been waiting for so long. I have it now. It is mine forever. Perhaps you have seen me quoting the lyrics.

"Painfully, I prepare a release..."

"She ricochets, yeah you don't notice..."

The list can go further. I could sing most of them by heart now.

Have a look. Live life more fully because of it.

Somehow I forgot a title the first time

gluten = evil

me + gluten = never again

Did you take notes? This was a very important lesson. It will not repeated.

I had gluten today and almost died. It's kind of insane. And by insane, I mean, I want to be unconscious. *dies*

On the brighter side, I bought some books! OH YAY! I love books. And I organized "Cartoon Strips" at work. Totally rocked it. No one told me not to. It was amazing.

Last night was not fun. That's all I have to say.

Rogue

That's all.

Life needs direction

My life can sometimes fall into a rut. I will be working consistently, going to school daily, and just living. But. Somehow, it's not right. Why?

I don't really know. I mean, it's not wrong. It's just monotonous? No... Arg. This is frustrating me.

Okay, I think what it is is that my life is going on and I'm working hard, but I don't feel like I'm making progress. So I'm not down in the dumps because I feel productive! Yay productivity! But where is it going? Leading me on to be a teacher? Is that where I'm headed? That's fine. I don't mind being a teacher. But is that it for me? What about my life? What about getting married one day? I don't know what will happen there, and it's a little scary to be out of the know. What about creating art that inspires people to feel one way or another? Will that happen? I aim for it, and shoot for it, and try very hard, but will it happen?

The unknown is annoying because I can't see how close I'm getting to those goals. I can see the other goals in my life and my progress towards them. but I just can't see how near or far I am from those two. The two most important goals for me.

I want to see.

Shiny Toy Guns in Concert

Well, one of my life goals is almost fully realized. If you didn't notice. You know. If you didn't see these pictures and realize what they meant. If you didn't see them. And know. That I was somewhere. Screaming.

I screamed a lot in the car ride home. It was a 2 hour car ride home too. I shrieked a lot too. And sat in utter silence with a huge smile plastered on my face. Nothing could ruin that mood. And still. That mood persists.





I saw him. He was 10 feet away. I could see his facial expressions. See the glitter in his eyes as he scanned the crowd. I could easily imagine he was looking at me sometimes. It was that easy. I was that close. And I could hear his voice. In the same room as me. Singing songs I knew and loved in different ways that I would remember forever. I saw him. I heard him. And then. I met him.

He signed my copy of the CD. In silver. Everyone signed in black. It's like he knew. He must have. I could have died. I actually may have. And I got to see his eyes (which were always so awesome anyway) and they are blue! I thought they were dark! I was shocked. And then enthralled. I was dazzled. And as a result, I acted like a complete fan girl. How embarrassing. >.<



But then later, as I gushed about the CD to Jacqueline, he appeared behind me!! Like a ninja. And I died again. And then I got a picture with him and Jacqueline. A man took it. I suspect he is the STG manager or friend or something. I got to talk to that man afterwards a bit and he was very nice and fun. We agreed that Chad is good people. Really good people. In fact, he should be all people. So I could hang out with him. Which is my life goal. To spend a chunk of time with him. To talk about the music we like, argue about the music we don't like, laugh at dumb stuff, and just hang out. I want to hang out. I want to be around him. And I want to hear him sing without the stupid girl in the crowd next to me who sings along as loud as humanly possible. *hate*



That CD will be one of those things I grab if my house in on fire.

My dearest friend...

Life is full right now. I am always busy, with something on the horizon. I have assignments, work, up and coming events, things to worry about, a cat that I want to kill most of the time, and an iPod to get me through it.

But life is just... full.

I'm preparing an entry about the concert I went to on Wednesday. My favorite band. Shiny Toy Guns. I went. I will write about it.

Up and coming!

A few free moments

I go to work in 8 minutes. Wee.

I got 5 hours of sleep last night. Awesome. It felt good. :)

...uh. I do art all the time? School being all art classes. My cat is a crazy whiner. He sits around our doors and cries for hours on end for NO REASON. He has all the food he wants, we're always playing with him, and what else is there to cry for? It drives us crazy. And then he flies around the house and runs into things and knocks things over. He jumps on stuff and attacks our feet (without his claws, though, thank goodness). But he is NUTS.

Currently, cat is walking around the house crying. What a dumb cat.

Frozen Oceans

Today has been awesome. I mean it. Awesome. Stunning. A sky of spectacular colors and music. Good day. GOOD day.

Got a lot of sleep last night. Work was pretty good and productive. I got a Jamba Juice for lunch. I bought a new CD--awesome soundtrack to "Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift."

And the highlight.

Shiny Toy Guns released a new song for us. I almost cried, it was so good. I can't stop listening to it. *shiver* I wish it had more Chad, but it's still awesome. If he was hitting some those notes though... I would probably have cried.

I need to soak in this song more. It inspired me for a piece.


Frozen Oceans by ~abthomas on deviantART

Awesome in a bottle

I feel pretty spectacular!

I had an AWESOME 21st birthday party on Saturday and some of my favorite people were there!!!! My amazing sister planned and put together the whole thing, because that's how she rolls. My parents came and everyone loved them, and my other sister brought herself and my nephew and everyone LOVED Brady's trick with the iPhone (he can turn it on and unlock it--he figured it out!!).

I bought two movies and borrowed a dozen movies I've been meaning to see! I should invite someone over to watch them with me. Sometime. *ponder* How delightful!

I'm very tired. I've been doing my homework, but still am not done. I am going to sleep in efforts to get some sleep. =_=

I may ask for the saturday after next off to sleep in and chill. Do homework, read, go for a motorcycle ride. Whatever. *peace*

Facts

Always tired. Too tired. =_=

We got a cat. He is small and orange and playful and loving. He is very cute and soft and crazy. He flies around the house and falls all over the place. I love it. He sleeps in not-my-room.

Not enough time in the day. *sigh*

Clothes and things I love

Doing laundry, Is the only free time I have. Clothes do not last forever. Also, had a long nap today.

Anyway.

Things I am looking forward to:

-Shiny Toy Guns in concert. October 1st. All other things are moot. STG is love. Chad Petree is love. This concert will fulfill a life goal of mine. Partially. The other part of that goal is, I shall admit, very unlikely *sob*.

-Weezer in concert. October 13th. With my Karren. My favorite concert/movie/musical/shopping/fun-thing-to-do buddy. Weezer should be pounds of fun. Pounds. Not ounces. Not quartz. Pounds. Both in weight and monetary worth. Fun band plus fun sister equals awesome memory for life.

-Alkaline trio/Thrice/Rise Against in concert. November 7th. This will be different than other concerts I have attended. The music being different than my usual style. Different crowd. Louder. Rougher. Funner. I shall, without a doubt, get bruised. How marvelous.

-Ludo in concert. November 12th. My most recent adoration. Very awesome. I hope they are good in concert. Must confess, sheer excitement of seeing the Moogle (What I call people who play "Moogs") because he is delightful.

Oh yes. In a two month period, I shall attend 4 concerts. Hence, I am trying to NOT spend money. Too bad money likes to be spent. It's goal in life is to be spent. Get around. Not stay locally. I try to convince--positively coerce--it into committing, but it is so rebellious. And I just can't stop it. I contemplate stashing the card and seeing how happy money is after that. I am sure it won't be so easy for it to get out to spend time with unsavory individuals. Climbing into registers. Cafés. Even other people's wallets. I don't know where I went wrong--money has just gotten so out of control. What can I do other than take away the plastic? Will I allow money to go towards food? Food is the only friend I like money to associate with. I don't really like gas, but I know gas means well, so I accept it. But other friends are not allowed, but seem to come over anyway. Candy is fat and sticky and leaves messes all over my things. Books take up space and occupy my time. Music is loud and distracting. The problem is that I miss these unacceptable friends when they are not over--and encourage money to associate with them again. I am the enabler. What sucker I have proven to be.

Yes, it is late--I am aware

It happens on occasion (less frequently than it used to be) that I stay up late. For the past couple weeks, I have been very steady in my going-to-bed-at-a-reasonable-time routine. Tonight, I stayed up late. I decided I needed to finish something I had yet to have finished.

Avatar: The Last Airbender.

I finally watched it all. I am extremely satisfied. It served as a good distraction as well, from some particularly severe abdominal pain. *shrug*

Anyway. Tomorrow I have my computer art class. Yay!? I have not been to it yet--first day. And then I have work. And then I have work again Saturday morning. And on Saturday evening I have a jewelry party. And then Sunday is Sunday. And--and--and! I am tired already.

^__^

News news, what's the news?

I hasn't got news. I lied. Full of lies. The everything is a lie.

The other day I went to Cheesecake Factory with Dan to celebrate hanging out and our birthdays. he paid, as my present, and then I bought him a movie at Borders. Good times.

I sunburns are going away. They still itch like crazy, but not as painful anymore. :3 And peeling less!! They had majorly bad peeling. Majorly... -_-;

Mmm... Been painting! And sketching. I wrote up a script for the first chapter of a graphic novel I've been carefully crafting for the past 4 years. And today I finally did, basically, story boarding. That's what I call it. I actually just looked at my scripting and planned out each page. I ended up adding more pages than the script entailed. Brilliant. 10 more pages than planned. I just kept trying to cram so much onto a page. Maybe tomorrow I will draw a page! Oh. I think I will pencil all the pages of chapter 1 before I ink them. Yeah. You know. Yeah!

I should clean off my drafting table. It's a little cluttered.