Huh what?

I've recently felt old fears creeping back into my mind. Social fears. Fear that springs up when I look into someone's face. I fear they wish I would go away. If I call, I'm afraid they don't want to talk to me. Same with IM. And emailing. And plain old talking. Afraid they wish me away and I can't take a hint. Heh. This is the fear that makes me act confident and loud-- if I act like everyone wants me, everyone will. Right?

I think my pain meds are getting to me. I feel shaky-- been feeling so all night. My chest feels shaky and my limbs feel quivery and heavy (like lead). I often need to rest them limply at my sides. And take deep breaths. Maybe I should eat something; I might be hungry.