Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Wee hee hee!

Done done done done done. Done done. Done! I am all done! I took my math final yesterday and turned in my writing portfolio and I am done! Such a good feeling.

Of course, now mom and I have to clean the house because we're going out of town this afternoon. Karren is going to be here while we're gone with some guests, so house must be clean clean clean.

I'm glad to have all this nerve racking stuff over with because now I'll stop picking at my fingers and they can heal.


Monday, June 26, 2006

2 at the library

I can't sleep. My legs are killing me. It's that "growing pains" pain. I can't be growing. I'm too old to be growing still. Well, whatever the reason, I can't sleep. Bah. I'm going to take something small because this is small pain.

Tomorrow I have a study meeting at 2 with Nicole. Oh boy! Math stuff forever!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Daily update of schedule

Currently Working on: English

Saturday 24th
[ ] Study math
[ ] English done?

Sunday 25th
[ ] Study math
[ ] English?

Monday 26th
[ ] Turn in english portfolio
[ ] Study math

Tuesday 27th
[ ] Math final
[ ] Die, metaphorically

Wednesday 28th
[ ] Fly to Utah

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The day is blue

2 months until my birthday. How rockin' is that! I'll be 19! Life will be a little bit better. But then, it always is (sometimes I just don't choose to see it).

Stuart braided my hair all prettily today. Everyone complimented me on it. I also drew two totally awesome pictures which were also complimented at every turn. I'm so proud I could burst! Mm!!

I'm very happy right now. I am just so thrilled to be alive. I want to go do stuff. I passed 3 or 5 motorcycles on my way home and I was SO JEALOUS. I want to go riding. But I'm going to the beach with my ever-lovable ward to play in the sand and the water and to be happy. I will be happy. Very happy. I'm happy already!

I was mildly displeased today on my way to school as I listened to a song ("I wasn't prepared" by Eisley) and I realized something that had a lot to do with the song. I was singing along and then it was like it was about me. I was very grumpy. But I shrugged at the idea of liking someone for once (instead of starting to worry like I do), and decided I can't change this (no matter how hard I've tried before) and being upset won't change it. So I'll just enjoy things and try not to let this effect me.

I think I'll scan some drawings in.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Pain is like a fly

So, my dad says I have a low pain threshold. And he may be right, I may indeed have a low one. But I don't tell them about half the pain I go through.

There's always something hurting, but I deal with it on my own because it usually goes away after a day or so. Whenever it doesn't I bring it to my parents. I follow their advice and then it usually goes away. But while I hurt, I can go through periods of time where I ignore the pain because I find positions or ways of walking that keep the pain away or at a minimum. Unless it's in my mouth, but I try to ignore that.

But when it doesn't go away I get frustrated. Think of it as a fly that you keep smashing and you think it's gone, but it just shows up again when you least expect it. And it's biggar than it was the day before. And louder. And more in your face. And it just gets harder to ignore. And you get so annoyed with it, you want to drop everything to kill the darn thing! But you can't! It just won't die! Stupid fly of pain! Just die already and let me get on with my life! It keeps me from sleeping very long, it wakes me up. I work really hard to focus on things and the pain just gets more intense until I can barely keep from screaming from the pain. Like has happened 3 or 4 times this weekend.

Anyway.... I have class soon.

A feeling

I need to be held.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Kill me...

Someone kill me. My teeth on my right bottom half of my mouth are KILLING ME!!! And not softly! Harshly! Throbbing pain, making me angry! I can't eat anything!! Believe me, I'm trying!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

What the-- ARG!

So.... the wonderful things of day.

I wasn't late to weight lifting. Oh boy! But I forgot Mel's gift... *aww* I lifted some insane amounts today though!

Annnnd I worked my rear off during the 4 hours between PE and math to make sure my math was done right. Which it wasn't. Of course. Lucky me. So I had to redo it. But I had to meet Joe to discuss our english projects. Which I did. Then I scurried to math. I wanted so badly to finish my practice final on time, that I wrote as I walked. It was really hard to not make a mess of it. I might still have made it rather sloppy though. *grump* But I managed to finish it! And I have full belief it is done and done right! As opposed to the first part of the assignment which I foolishly did half of incorrectly because I'm stupid like that. I took notes, understood the math, felt pleased, took a quiz (got half of the last problem wrong), scribbled down my scores to total up later and was out the door.

And when I got home? I was bombarded with questions about my plans. I felt highly picked on. *snap* I did snap. I got very angry and very much emotional and very... gr! So I went to enrichment late. But there was a lot of really good desserty things to cheer me up in a way only sugar can. I felt a lot better. Especially after being able to talk to said boy of secrecy. But I left early due to unusual amounts of work my classes glob on me. Globs of work. Bleah.

I came home and took a bath due to mental and physical fatigue. Somehow, baths seem to heal me *mystical light from the stars* It's like magic....

BUT. Just now, I totaled up my math scores. Dismay. I am sorely put out. I have an 84%. That's bad enough, but there had to be some salt thrown on my wound! I could have an 89% if I hadn't missed that one class back in april due to a mental/emotional breakdown that led me to fits of tears and anger. And even better? I get to go into class on tuesday and beg Mr. Hansen to let me have those 25 points back. Somehow. Someway. I can't bear to get another B in another math class, especially when I worked so flippin' hard in his! I ahevn't worked this hard since high school! It's not fair and I won't let it happen! I WON'T! I will print out that day from this here blog and show it to him. Maybe maybe maybe (but doubtfully) he'll believe me and give it back. I would be so happy if he would... It's so not fair to lose those points.

A sudden thought. Methinks as I spied the scoresheet, I a glimmer of hope. Where we get 25 extra points for not missing a class, I saw a negative 5. Could it be that because I missed one class, I only lose 5 points? If that is so... I will cry. Cry and hug Mr. Hansen. What out Mr. Hansen! I pouncing on that score sheet on tuesday! *please*

And then the dream was gone.... I just studied the syllabus for math only to find that the "-5" I saw on the scoresheet was not as I originally thought. It was, in fact, a -5 from my grand total of points. Not from the 25 extra credit. So now, instead of having an 84% I have an 83%. And a fresh bout of depression, laced heavily with bitter disappointment.

I'm going to bed... to find solace.

Plans until finals and the probability of few updates

Thursday 15th
-sketch 5 drawings
-few math problems
-Skim/cut out for collage

Friday 16th
-Sketch 10+ drawings
-Cut out/paste pictures for collage
-Math problems
-Finish watercolor

Saturday 17th
-Sketch 10+ drawings
-Other collage work

Sunday 18th
Fathers day
-Sketch last drawings
-Make sure art is done
-Finish math
-Try to finish collage without rushing

Monday 19th
-Turn in 4 drawings and 33 sketches
-Meet with English teacher
-Math done?
-Try to finish collage

Tuesday 20th
-Weight lifting
-2 pages for english
-Finish collage

Wednesday 21st
-Turn collage in
-English class
-Math homework

Thursday 22nd
-Weight lifting
-Math class
-Study for math final

Friday 23rd
-Study for math until my eyes fall out
-Put english portfolio together

Saturday 24th
-Study math
-English done?

Sunday 25th
-Study math

Monday 26th
-Turn in english portfolio
-Study math

Tuesday 27th
-Math final
-Die, metaphorically

Wednesday 28th
-Fly to Utah

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Those birds know the rice is for them...

I'm sorry. I would write more often with more interesting entires, but the pain in my jaw and knee makes me sort of... float through my days. I'm on heavy meds, sleep a lot, eat soft foods, and sleep a lot.

Today was sort of an exception, I guess. I woke up early, took a shower, went to weight lifting (did more than I have been doing now that I've found meds that work), walked to institute, did homework.

My sister came by and brought me a taco! The meaty juices made it soft and fleshy (if that's okay with you) and delicious. I was happy *gurgle*. Then I worked on math some more, before driving to Panda Express to meet Joe.

I was planning on walking, but once I walked to my car, I realized my knee wouldn't make it. So I drove. Parking was quite horrible, but I made it in and ordered white rice. Joe came, we discussed, we laughed, I left.

Mom just made me Mac-n-cheese. Because I'm an invalid and in pain. No moving. I'm really quite sad. But she made me yummy food. And I just popped a codine, so I'll be crashing in about 30 minutes or so. I need to get ready for bed soon.

But, after I left Joe, I went to math. I managed to finish all my homework, turn it in, and do mighty fine on a "quizzy-poo" (my math teacher is psychotic). We even got out early. 5:30. Then Nicole and I discussed story ideas we had and we told each other our stories in great detail until about 7, when I went home and died.

I'm so ... ugh. I'm not as miserable as I could be though. I will be giggly and dead tired in 30 minutes, so I'm feeling cheerful enough.

No classes tomorrow!! Life is blissful! Mom and I are going to University art! I'm looking forward to the coming day!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Ode to pain

I never knew pain to to be such,
For pain in my mouth proves to be much.
The chill of the morning brings food I adore,
But the chill of the food makes it hurt all the more.
How about hot things that can't be called cold?
I guess I should say that it's pain from the bold.
Crunchy or chewy, cold or hot,
These hurt my mouth and should not be forgot.
My jaw is so silly for feeling so much,
My teeth are annoying being scared of a touch.
I suppose what I am attempting to say,
Is I hate my mouth! Take it out today!


Sunday, June 11, 2006

The otherwise

Well, had anything exciting happened this weekend, I should have written. But nothing did. I slept a lot. I went to bed at remarkably early times, got up incredibly late and took a lot of pain meds for my knee and jaw. I watched a lot of movies and ate a lot of pudding, which my mom kindly bought for me on friday. I read a book, played video games, and slept.

I did manage to come up with a really good idea for my RSOM entry. I think I want to work on it this summer, when I'm not working. I have no idea how often work will happen. *shrug* We'll see soon enough. I have to call work soon to tell them when I want to start working. Which will be on the 10th. I love my job. I love my co-workers especially. They're all so amazingly cool. They seem to love me too. Weird.

Anyway. I'm listening to music. But I want to read. Or something. I'm not tired anymore. Sleeping all day sort of killed that.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Retarded spider of grossness

I can't sleep. For a few reasons too.

One. My jaw is dying of pain pain pain.

Two. My knee is uncomfortable, making it hard for me to get comfortable. Making my conditions not condusive to sleeping.

Three. There is a monster spider on my wall. I noticed him after my bath and have been finding reasons to... not be in my room. He won't leave. How I hate him and his big spiderness. He's the size of a swollen quarter! *shudder*

So, I'm sleeping down stairs in the living room. Hopefully, at some point in the morning, he'll be gone and there will be a better chance of sleeping my room.

And good night. See you in the living room.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I make it so easy, huh?

Well, I feel today to be a mighty success for the most part.

I got to class on time when I was sure I'd be late. I got to work out my upper body with more vigor than I had thought I could. I finished my math in time. I managed to maintain my cool around a guy. Three times. I kept my cool enough to ask a guy to go bowling with me (which he said yes to). I got to the church in time to go beaching. I didn't hurt my knee at the beach. I had a good good night playing at the beach.

The beach was the best part. Every good thing happened there. I got there and there was a bonfire and people. Leighann lent me her sweater because I forgot mine (she had a jacket too, so I didn't feel bad). I had a hot dog and some marshmallows. I walked around in the sand with Steph to admire the view and to chat it up. I told a story to Ben, who proceeded to laugh at me and make me grumpy, which I promptly got over because he didn't even take that seriously. I asked Josh to go bowling. I was happy. All night long.

My knee hurts right now, though, because my advil wore off. My jaw hurts for the same reason.

I want a bath.... I shall have one!!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I got hit with a ninja star cause I'm a NINJA!

I don't care what any of you say, I'm unhappy! I have every right to be unhappy too! My knee not only hurts, but it's getting worse! It now hurts even when I'm not using it or moving it or anything! It's the most retarded piece of flesh I have on me right now! I hate it! My knee hurts, my toes hurt, my jaw hurts. I'm not happy and I don't care who knows it. *grump*

Well... I wish I could say that made me feel better. But it didn't. My knee still hurts like crazy and I'm still hungry as a bear. I want to go upstairs but it's so hard to walk around without a lot of pain, I have taken to... not walking around.

Tomorrow is weight lifting again, but I really doubt I'll get much out of it. At all. Like, really at all. Even less than tuesday. Yeah. Super.

Today wasn't too shabby if you ignore the leg stuff. By the time I got to school, my leg hurt so badly I could barely hobble to the church. So I crashed on the couch, curled up under the blanket and sulked for an hour. But my friends have a knack for cheering me up by being unbearably pleasant and hilarious and shrugging off my sulks. My knee did start to feel better so I allowed myself to salsa with Derk for a bit. Which wasn't such a grand idea. My knee did hurt considerably after that.

Oh, because this was the coolest thing I heard all day, I shall tell you. I was laying on the couch when Derk arrived today and the first thing out his mouth is, "I hope I get a scar!" Well, needless to say, I am super confused and must ask what scar. Hence I discovered that last night, our favorite Derk was hit/stabbed in the thigh by a ninja star. A NINJA STAR! The coolest way ever to be wounded! He wants it to scar so he can tell about the scar. I wish I had a ninja star. Derk gets one. I want one too. He is now, though, The Delicious Master Ninja Derk. Oh, he'll like that.

I want the beef stew to be done so I can eat it. And then go take a bath. *misery*

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

A recap...

What happened last night...

And today....
Need I say more?


Monday, June 05, 2006

Why Andrew, you have steel things in your wrist...

So today. Ho hum. Let's see.

I wake up, I go to art. Yay art! Everyone likes my picture. But I have decided to do some more to it. It needs more color and texture in the ship. I'm excited to do that.

I go back to institute and meet Derk's little brother, Rhett. He's fun. Then I read Beauvallet for a long time.

Went to english. Everyone liked my piece. The loved my dialoge and actions! That was great! I was so happy!!

I come home and take a nap. Then I'm off to FHE. It's a swim thing and potluck, but I just wanted to swim. So I wore my bathing suit and swam.

Then things turned ugly. I get up to jump off the diving board. Now, I have no idea how deep the pool is. I thought it was nice and deep and I could do a pencil dive, feet first. WRONG! Very very wrong! I get onto the diving board. I'm excited, yay! I jump, wee! The water splashes, I'm happy. And then... My feet hit the bottom so remarkably fast, I didn't have time to react. They were still locked and I was still streaking full force towards the bottom when I struck. My legs buckled and I floated to the top, in massive pain. My left leg was throbbing entirely with pain. My knee and foot were so intense it was a struggle to not cry out. My right foot's toes throbbed as well. I kicked, somewhat pathetically, to the wall and clung onto it.

The pain did subside though, so I thought the worst was over. WRONG! I went to have some cake and was standing there, cutting, when I feel this growing pain in my left knee. I feel confused and then suddenly, it bursts out into pain and my knee (which had been locked) buckles again. So I decide to go home. And home I go.

My left foot has a bump and a bruise on it. My knee is red and bruised and swollen. I'm so tired. I have homework.

I also have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning because I lost a filling over the week-end. Oh joy!


Sunday, June 04, 2006

What a day this has been.

Okay, so I first finished my watercolor. That means, I finished it. But it also means I must leave it alone for a while to strip my mind of the memory of how it looks, then I shall go back and look at it. If I am satisfied, life is good. If not... I cry. Then I work more.

So, I'm hungry. Really really hungry. I have hollow feelings in my stomach, I need food.

Jolene's engaged! To Shane (who I don't know) and they're getting married sometime! Isn't that cool? She's my age! We went to girl's camp together and have oodles of inside jokes! High Five! and now she marries mystery boy.

I have to turn in 2 pages tomorrow. 2 pages to read to english class. Will they like? I don't know. Do I care? Not so much. The teacher's opinion is the mattering one here. She grades me. Yes, I personally am graded. It seriously affects my mood. *thbpt*

Now... Food. Writing. And then, investigate the inner workings of my perdy picture.

A lazy sunday

Herro there.

I'm super tired. Most of yesterday was spent lounging about my room, dozing in and out of sleep and such. Today, after church, I fell asleep on my bed, being full of food and happy feelings. Now it's kinda late and I have to finish my picture. Have at ye!

I got my pay check on friday, so tomorrow between classes I may go cash it.

I got released from my calling as FHE co-chair and was called to be on the compassionate service committee. I'm very excited!

Art! Work! *rawr*

Friday, June 02, 2006

Glittering eyes

My eyes glitter with no care,
And pirates sailing through my hair,
Leave me speechless on the beaches
In my mind, your hand, it reaches,
Towards my glittering eyes...

Imagine your world is something more
Than it is now,
Then was before.
Imagine me inside your heart,
Does it feel like
Something is right?

Holding fast to the ropes around my mind
I can dictate all I find
You are with me I am singing and
This is how I'm feeling
In my glittering eyes...

Imagine your world is something more
Than it is now,
Then was before.
Imagine me inside your heart,
Does it feel like
Something is right?

Fighting for the spaces
Deep inside my mind, I
Share my heart with you.
Kicking down the doors that
Block off my memories, I
Share my heart with you.

Imagine your world is something more
Than it is now,
Then was before.
Imagine me inside your heart,
Does it feel like
Something is right?

Does it feel like,
Something is right?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

"With eye glasses full of stars"

So, I basically drew the best picture ever last night. And by last night, I mean wednesday night. Curse time for being later than I had planned. Back to the picture. It rocks. Rocks like a horse on two pieces of wood, with a small child riding it. It's super cool. It has a pirate ship. One I designed all myself. And it has a large sparkly eye. And long pretty hair. It's so cool. And it's just a sketch. Tomorrow I shall lightly put it to watercolor paper with pencil and ink it. So happy with it.

And so happy with Eisley. Wow, I love that band. I'm so glad I bougth their CD thing off iTunes. 9.90 for 12 songs of blissful beautiful words that interpret everything I feel at any given moment. What are the odds of that?

Tomorrow, though, I go to palo alto to be with my sister and brother(-in-law). Laura and I shall bond and talk and be happy, then Brock comes home from the place he works (being a law office) and we watch The Thin Man and enjoy being family. Yay!

I'm oddly happy. It's, well, odd. It's so not normal for me to be so thoroughly happy. Nothing is bothering me. Except one thing. I'm so not bothered by anything right now, my mind figures I'm in denial and is trying to figure it out. But there's nothing. It's not an old flame, though I tried to discover if it was. It's not a new flame, though for a moment today I suspected it was. It's not school, because I'm doing well and working hard. It's not church because things are clearing up in ym calling and I'm working on my testimony again and feeling stronger. It's not family because I love them always. It's not my health because I pretty much do my best to be healthy. I don't think there's anything. I don't even really like any guys. I mean, I'm not worrying over any. I feel content with where I am with them. Except one, but it doesn't bother me as much as it did. I'm not pining for anybody, and that feeling is so wonderful...

"Plenty of paper for scenery paintings"