Tuesday, December 12, 2006

When emoticons just don't cover it

How I usually feel...

How I feel today.

*snarl* I'm going to eat your face!

Gr... It has absolutely nothing to do with anything or anybody, my bad mood. It's just here. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. It'll fade in about 30 minutes or so. Yeah. Whoo... But right now I'm so in face eating mode.

There are actually a good number of good things going on around me. One, yesterday I got a letter from Brighton, my old place of work, sending me a thank you for helping them make the year the best year ever in Brighton history. What'd they do? They sent me a 50 dollar gift certificate! How nice! And I HAVE to use it before December 31st. It'd be cool to buy myself something guilt free of the loss of money.

In other news, I woke up way too early for someone who stayed up way too late doing homework. I have to leave at 12:30 and for some odd reason I got up at 9:30. Why? Cause I'm a crazy.

I have also decided that I simply adore heating blankets.

See? My bad mood is already dissipating. No-- wait.. Yeah, still grumping.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Blah biddy blah

Ho hum. I'm tuckered out.

I'm all signed up for my classes for next quarter.

9:30-10:20 Major British Writers
11:30-12:20 Geology Lecture
12:30-1:20 Classical Piano
3:30-6:10 Ceramics

9:30-10:20 Major British Writers
11:30-12:20 Geology Lecture

9:30-10:20 Major British Writers
11:30-12:20 Geology Lecture
12:30-1:20 Classical Piano
3:30-6:10 Ceramics

9:30-10:20 Major British Writers
11:30-12:20 Geology Lecture
1:30-4:10 Geology Lab

12:30-1:20 Classical Piano

There. It'll be a good quarter. Busy busy. Piano, ceramics, geology (yay!), and literature. Oh boys!

I'm going to bed. Or something. Yeah. Probably not, actually. *shrug*

I am feeling the "blah." Not much is inspiring me to action. Mom and dad are still gone. I don't have anything due. Finals are next week. My knee is no fun. I dunno. Nothing inspires me to do things. I SHOULD be painting. But I don't want to. Blah. Blah!


Friday, October 27, 2006

Monday, October 23, 2006


I carved pumkins this evening. It was really fun. I carved a very big one, and a very little one. One carving is pretty and the other is a cutie patootie. I love them both lots. They are my friends.

Cute bubby face

This is a Claddagh. Look it up.

All lit up!


Aren't they just the best? They sit on my porch looking cute.

The key to this experience, for me, was my disregard for my hands cleanliness. Not only did I make pretty good pumpkins, I had a dang good time about it! No grumpy me! I was all smiles!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Le gasp!

I suppose it should be said that I have finally taken the SAT, I am relieved it is said and done, and I am glad to say I shall no longer be in need of the daily emails nor the study guide. Unless I should do horribly on it. Heaven forbid.

Honestly, that may very well be all I have to say. Other than that, life has been pretty regual and steady. Go to school most days, study each night. Do homework. Be social on the weekends. Attemtp to convince my parents to allow me to drive to visit my friends in Stockton for a weekend. The usual.

On the other hand, never have I in the 19 years of my life, have I been asked out so regularly as I was the past week. 3 in one week. Shocking! And I only said yes to one. And, truly, this gives my father rights to complimenting me. For a while.

Now, on to the studying!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

A suddenly, I are tired

Because of all the things I have to do in my life, I have to change some things in my life.

I'm already getting better sleeping patterns down. So far, I get up at 7 everyday (Saturday and Sunday this weekend, not so much). Which means I attempt to get to bed earlier. Slowly getting better. *sweet*

But, I need to reduce my time spent watching TV. I often feel "tired" and decide to, rather than reading or even napping, to watch TV. I should be reading to rest. Not just watching TV just for the fun of it. I plan on watching it with my family when the shows are on, and/or on the weekend. Some shows I want to watch but not alone or it's depressing (Battlestar, mostly).

Yeah. For me, just less Tv and more working on things.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


My tooth is hurting so badly. It's incredible, actually. I can't eat hot or cold things. not even abelry cold, or warm. It all has to be luek warm. Super fun, eh? But even when there isn't any food, it's a constant dull pain. I need to get my other tooth crowned so I can get THIS root canal done. T__T It hurts mas mucho.

My Mythology class got a new class room asignment. ADMIN 102. I have no idea where that is. On the map, the only thing I could find is currently under construction and, somehow, I highly doubt they'll put us there. I'm going to have heaps of fun finding it. Eh?

I added my skills class today too. Very exciting.

And Laura came over and we talked and watched a movie. And ate. We like to eat.

I'm starving. Macaroni sounds delicious of now.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I promised my I'd never be in an occupation I didn't love

Okay, so today I was listening to the radio (a rare occurence, but my Dad likes it) and Sean Hannity was chewing out some loser for whining about how he can't afford a house because he is doing the job of his choice. He didn't want to get a second job because he thought he wouldn't have any time to be with his family. Sean ripped him a new one on how unamerican that was. It's a long story.

But it made me think on how I'm sitting around complaining on how my classes are requiring so much work. *Whine* And how stupid I sound because I didn't really know how much time this would take. So I did the math!

7 days in the week, each day with 24 hours; that's 168 hours in a week. If I sleep 8 hours a day, that gives me 112 hours of consciousness in the week. I spend 14 hours a week physically in a classroom, and 4 hours doing church related business. Thence, I have 94 hours to fill.

Now, each class requires some odd hours of work per hour of class. With that math scheme, I have approximately 28 hours of studying/homework to do each week. That reduces my 94 to 66. I need to study for the SAT, which should total out to 12 hours a week (roughly 2 hours a day). And so, all that laid out...

I have 55 hours of free, conscious time a week. I have no idea why I am complaining. No idea at all. ^__^ 55 hours to read, write, draw, nap, play games, watch TV, and be social!!!

I've also roughed out timely sketches of each day for me.

Mondays/Wednesdays: In school for 2 hours, study for 4.5 hours, SAT for 2 hours, leaving me 7.5 hours of fun.

Tuesdays/Thursdays: In school for 6 hours, study for 4.5 hours, SAT for 2 hours, leaving me 3.5 hours of fun. On tuesday I have institute though.

Fridays/Saturdays: I study for 4.5 hours, SAT for 2 hours, leaving me 9.5 hours of fun.

Sundays: I'm at church for 4 hours (get there early, leave a bit late), I can study for 4.5 hours, SAT for 2, leaving me 7.5 hours.

It's probably a bit off, but it gives me comfort to know I have so much free time still. ^_^ I just need to manage my time accordingly. Sleeping earlier, waking earlier.

Tonight, I am going to Kay's to watch the Relief Society Broadcast with the female portion of the ward. Of course, that's after we eat lemon chicken and various other deliciously, home made chinese dishes.

We descend

Last night was wretched. I tried to walk around upstairs and the pain in my stomach escalated to such an extreme point, I collapsed onto the ground. I pulled my self into as tight of a fetal position as I could and lay there for a while. My mom came up and heled me get to my bed. I rested for a long long time before I could change. Then I had to rest some more. Haley called and we talked. I miss her. Then I was sick again. I finally got to bed.

This morning, I felt a lot better, but I didn't want to risk upsetting my stomach again. So I had a small cup of jello for breakfast and 3 fl. ounces of ginger ale. I went to Tai Chi, but only to make sure she didn't drop me. Then I came back to the institute and saw Jon! So, for old times sake, and because I was feeling up to it, we played a quick game of pool. I didn't feel sick, so good for me. But I came home anyway.

I'm sipping my ginger ale. I will probably go watch some TV. Then I'll cut some fabric out so I can sew tonight. Oh! And call Jolene.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Super fun, super fun

Okay, the nausea has not subsidded in the least. It has only gotten worse, if anything. I can hardly move for fear that I will throw up. I haven't eaten much. Some crackers. A hamburger. Some little doughnettes. A few other things. But almost seconds after I ate a thing, I felt ill. I drank a bottle of pepsi, but it ran out quickly; and when I wasn't physically sipping it, I felt ill. I can't stand up. Or move as I sit.

I get motion sickness if I move an inch.

And, oh joy, tomorrow is Tai Chi.

I'm going to beg for a drink and go lay down. Maybe my sister will come sit with me.

Oh. And last night I was asked a question. It made me think. Now I'm questioning myself...

I'm too sick to feel enthusiastic

I think I'm going to throw up. Honestly, for the past few days I'm either on the verge of throwing up, or I feel completely starving. Right now, I am afraid to open my mouth.

I woke up later than I planned. I didn't have time to work out, or shower, or anything. Gr. T__T

School soon. Three classes today. Oooh... very exciting. Contemporary nutrition first. Mythology and Folklore. Spanish. *wave a little flag*

Oh man... I don't know if I should eat. I don't think the food will stay down.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

And so...?

Been resting my neck up. As in, sleeping in. Reading. Watching things. I haven't been driving at all. And, my pain has been reduced to nothing. I don't hurt in the same way anymore. Now, if I sleep wrong, my neck hurts for a little while and I rub it and it goes away. If I sit in a particular angle too. But things have simmered down for me.

Anyway! I have still been studying for the SAT. But I read a very depressing book I don't ever plan on reading again. Nope. Haley came over last night too. She's home for two days because Trevor's back in from his mission. She's leaving on Sunday. I'm glad we got to hang out a bit. She gave me a pirate book and a CD. I gave her her gift from Brighton and the giant fuzzy mom got her. Yay!

Today will be good. I'm updating my iPod, then I'll shower. Clean my room. Write my talk. Study. Paint. All that good stuff.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Including suggestions

Sometimes I laugh at myself because of the things I do.

Today, for example, I was studying in the living room. I gathered up my things to move my session upstairs, when my cell phone slipped from my stack of books and tumbled 2 feet onto the carpet. It bounced under a short, yet wide, white table in our living room. I glanced down to see if it was within reach. I could not see it. And yet, I did not set down my books and get on my knees to look under the table. I did not try to slide the table away from me. No no, I grabbed it with my free hand and lifted it up until I could see my phone. Then I set it down, picked up my phone, and walked out of the room. Then I laughed. I did what seemed to require the least amount of work.

Well, I thought it was funny.

Anyway. I finished watching a TV show off of You Tube. Or, I thought it was over. No no. It hasn't all been uploaded. Which pleases me, and displeases me. I'm too caught up in the story to walk away. I'm impatient for the next episode (I think it comes out weekly). Grump.

And in other news, when I am not studying or watching TV off the internet (which really doesn't make much sense) I shall be writing. Or playing games. I will strive to write and read. That will also help me prepare for the SAT. Gaming, shall not. Though it is fun.

Now... SAT! Study! Rawr!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Pai Mai... here I come.

Determined to make things change. If I want to go places, I have to work. Study for the SAT. Focus on classes. Rar.

This week I'm going to lay low again. I don't hurt as badly as I did last week, but I am going to play it safe for when I start school again. In a week. *eep* Nerve racking, now that it's so near..

And Gordo and I are watching Kill Bill Vol. 2 (on TV)

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Pain never was fair

It's not fair! I was feeling better. I haven't felt much pain at all-- almost none, the whole day. But I drove to Vince's party and it hurt a little. And as the party progressed, it hurt more. And more. Until I finally gave up and drove home. The time was not even 10. I am vastly unhappy. And I'm in pain.

My day was slow and dull. I was looking forward to the party.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Why... they are potatoes! With faces!

I went on a date! A real one. He called me, asked me, his brother drove the 4 of us, he opened all my doors for me, he paid, bought me a chocolate sunday, and walked me to my door. We all had a marvelous time, laughing and eating and they all bowled like crazies. I didn't. My neck is still evil. Not as evil. But evil all the same. It's just waiting for me to over-exert.

I went to the library today and got 4 books. I finished them. They were good. *snicker* And comic books!

Tomorrow I am going to a party!

I sat 3 days in the same ol' chair

What can I say? I write in spurts. I've spent the last few days of forever nursing my injured neck.

A few weeks ago, for FHE, we all went to the Boardwalk. As we stood in line for the last ride (Giant Dipper), I decided it would be a good idea to lean against the wall of the corridor and to put my feet up against the other wall. In essance, brace myself between the two walls and hold myself above the ground. But, I am not as long as that, and promptly fell. And hit the back part of my head on the hand rail. It's more like a decorative board, firmly attached and painted to match the wall. And it caused me pain. And, being my prideful little self, I laughed when it happened and spent the whole night pretending not to hurt, while silently developing the most massive head ache imaginable.

For the next few days, I had intense pain on the right side of my head and behind my right eye. That faded away shortly though and left me alone for a day or so. Possibly more. For some reason, I am inclined to say I felt nothing but head aches for a week. And then I got all the horrible neck pain. The neck pain got worse and worse. It went into my head as well, so I did not find enjoyment in bending forward. And then it fingered down into my back. And so, before 3 days had passed (from the beginning of said neck pain) I was unable to move my upper torso without wanting to cry. Which I did from time to time from frustration and annoyance and pain. Frusnoyain (frush-noy-ane).

We did finally go to the doctor, on Monday, who told me to take the next 2 weeks off and if the pain did not subside after 3 weeks, to come back. So I had to find people to take my shifts for my last week of work. Alas, I had to go into work that day and (you guessed it!) work. And by the end of monday, I only had someone to cover for me on wednesday, and I had asked everyone! So I called Carrie, who was not in on Monday, and left her a message about my problem and begged her for help. But she didn't call me back until the next morning, Tuesday. We decided I could get thursday off, and she managed to convince a girl to stay until 6 for that day. But I still had to come in at 6 and help Anna close. I did that ungrudgingly and we had a smashing time talking and cleaning the store. I bought myself my favorite pieces of jewelry (1, 2 and 3), and thus ended my career at Brighton. Probably.

And so, I have spent the past three days lying in my Father's big leather recliner chair, watching TV and movies, because only in his chair did I find a place to rest my head that actually did not hurt. I couldn't sleep in my bed, for it only hurt my neck even moreso. So I had to sleep in the chair. Essentially, I spent 3 days in the same ol' chair. And I was lonely and depressed. Serious depression went on there. I hated it.

But tonight, I get to sleep in my very own bed because my neck pain has gone down drastically from nursing it so fervently. And taking my pain meds when required. Go me! I watched Emma, and Pride & Prejudice. It only gives me more incentive to study!

Tomorrow, I shall study heavily for the SAT, write, and sleep. A good friday it shall be.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Hills, castles, and misty dreams

I love Great Britain. I have for 5 years. Sometimes, I think people forget that. But I don't.

When I was 12 years old, my father decided to take our family to Great Britain. He flew us to London and we stayed in the huge city for a few days. We traveled around the remainder England for the first week, staying at bed and breakfasts, experiencing the huge, beautiful, touristy amusements the country had to offer; and we basked in the sublte warmth and comfort of the countryside and the people.

Then, we went to Wales. We stayed in Llanelli that sunday and went to the small ward there. Roughly 75 people attended that ward, and being new the young women's program, I went to the young women's meeting. There were only 4 girls there, not including myself. And I met a girl. She was the only Laurel there. She was so kind to me, talking to me and taking care of me. Making me feel so welcome. Even though I knew her for 2 hours, I hold her in the highest esteem. In the afterlife, I will see her again and hug her in graditude. Never have I visited a ward and felt so loved.

The next few days were spent driving around Wales. We went to countless castles (for Wales has the most castles per square foot than any other country) and I saw herds of sheep running around, wrapped in heavy coats of wool. They always watched us as we trekked up the hills to the castles, some would even follow us for a few steps. I took it into my head that I should like to chase these sheep and try to talk to them. In their native tongue, sheepish. There is a photo of me, running behind the herd as they flee (like sheep do). I am reminiscent of a sheep dog in that posture. I did give up on the running bit and tried my hand at "sheepish." And that got their fleecey attention. They were riveted in so much as to approach me. My bleating seemed to be pretty good! But I digress.

The castles there are all set into the emerald green hills. Almost always do they rest upon the top of a hill, the base of which has a forest growing and extending. Most of the castles had lost their floors, various walls, and were over grown with vines and grasses. Broken pieces of stone lay scattered in a beautifully tragic way. But the last one, was remarkably intact compared to the previous ones I had seen. It still had most of its walls, floors, and ceilings. True, one half of the place was nothing but an archway, a few crumbled corners, and a pair of huge sheep nestled against a boulder. But the other half... It was a lovely.

Two stairways on different sides of the structure, both leading to an upper room, which was most likely a study. The room possessed a large old carpet, a lovely wood table and windows with a breath taking view of the small town across the hills. One window had a view of the road. And if, when poking your head out into the cool air, you looked straight down, you could see a small Ewe, tucked into a discreet corner. I put my linguistics to good use once again and carried on a conversation. Yes, that lonely sheep respond to me. And when my family and I had to leave, walking down the dirt road to our hulking van, I saw that sheep emerge from her hidy-hole. She stood on the stone wall, which protected the corridor from the sheer drop off the cliff. She stood and watched me walk. And then, as if to call me back, she sent out a long bleat. And I, in turn, echoed her. This we did until she was nothing but a small white shine against the dark gray stone.

On our last day in Wales, we decided to visit a Fairy Glen. A Fairy Glen is not some advertised tourist trap. I cannot think of anything I saw in the whole country that was. A Fairy Glen appears to be nothing more than a wooden gate in a wooden fence. The fence, being only 3 feet in height and consisting of two rectangular beams per section, each section about 6 feet in length. Needless to say, a glimpse of the glen is not difficult to catch. So, you drop the required amount of money into a locked box and, on your honor, you go through the small rickety gate.

And, just the same as the view outside the gate implies, you are in a small field that has a small worn path winding through it. The grass is a lovely light shade of green, and it smells heavenly, for you can see small flowers poking up between grass blades. And you follow the path until it leads you into the woods. Yes, the view of the field was only a small portion of this glen wherein dwell fairies.

The wood is dark and rich in greens, browns and yellows. In fact, some green leaves are so dark in color, they appear blue. And the ground is dappled with sunlight, so the forest has the illusion of being a forest of glowing gems and precious things.
You follow the path, passing perfectly grown mushrooms, tiny ivy leaves, clover patches, and (as you go deeper) small petaled flowers. Pinks, yellows, blues, and whites, these flowers are tiny and innocent. They grow everywhere.
The trees are not thick and tall. They are slender, but strong. Some have almost black bark and dark green leaves, their branches extending out in an effort to cover as much ground from the sun as they can. And then there are trees with white bark and pale green leaves, with branches no thicker than a tetherball pole, the branches grow almost straight up or not out too far. It is as though the tree is trying to wrap itself up for a long rest.
The path leads you down to a small river. It is not a creek, nor a brook. It is a river. It tumbles over smooth blue stones. Stones that have fallen from the sheer rock wall across from you. It tumbles and bubbles over these stones and around a large boulder, whirling around the bends. And if you climb upon this boulder and look down the river, you can see the mist between the sheer walls. As the mist lightens, there is a large log that has fallen into the slim ravine. But it is too long and has become caught against the rocks. It is the only connection you can see between the two shadowy walls. And it is growing still. You can see the green. But then the mist thickens and the bridge is gone.
It is at this time you see the butterflies. The river is surrounded by butterflies. They are pearly white and fluttering like a whisper on the wind. They float around you, batting their angelic wings in soft motions.
It is entrancing.

You can see how a girl, who has known nothing but dusty deserts, red mountains of clay, and for a short while, the green of California, would fall in love with this country set in the land of her ancestors. Not only does my blood call for me to go, but my adventurous side calls. My romantic side. My artistic side. My soul yearns to return. It always has ever since that day. I have missed the green hills, the kind people, the comfort of the air and the language.

I miss it.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Nice earrings - rawr

My new watch. My mom gave it to me for my birthday. Nifty huh? I love it. I have been wanting this watch for a long time.

I'm super tired. I didn't sleep well last night. Not sure why. Just didn't. Yesterday evening was not so good. I had a fight with a friend. I realized it was my fault and apologized, but he ignored me and wouldn't respond. I'm angry and hurt at him now. Gr.

I have to change. House work. Woo

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Buy his freedom with your love!

So much accomplished, but so much left to do. I've signed up to take the SAT in october and I've started on the on-line course. I've started my application to Swansea University. I've been looking through my english-welsh dictionary trying to figure out how to say the words.

But I have to actually TAKE the SAT, do phenominally well this quarter and every quarter inbetween Swansea, and then send in the application. I can't send that in until the SAT is taken. I think. I shouldn't at least. That's the impression I am under.

Neehoo. I work a lot. A lot. It's tiring and not fun at all. I wish I didn't, quite frankly. I would rather be in an office or a bakery or somewhere where I don't have to deal with customers. I take orders very well. I can't deal with strangers spurr of the moment. I can but it makes me miserable and uncomfortable. *sad*

And today I remembered why it is I like this guy. I told someone about him today and they had never heard a thing about him, so I got to tell all and it was just a reminder. It was nice. Mmm. Memories.

Speaking of memories! I have been listening to the phantom of the opera! I will probably become vastly depressed within the week, but I need some indulgence. I love the phantom... he's so cool. Wicked awesome.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Interesting and appalling

Today was crazy! I went to work and made myself so tired. T__T When I got home, I started working on the invitations. I got 2 completely done. I need to do 10 more. Oh joy! And to hear back from karren and jared. Stop ignoring me, people!

Tomorrow is church. My hair is straight. I'm tired. I have to finish the invites.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Motivated Meats

"I lost a piece of meat. Get back here, piece of meat! I want you. I want to eat you." -Me

"That's really not much motivation for it to come back." -Haley

"It's dead! It has motivation to become alive in the love of my stomach!" -Me

We're so funny.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

In australia, the world map is upside down

Work makes me tired and doesn't leave much to write about. Alas.

But, a few days ago I went to my sister's and we spent the day writin and planning my birthday. It was a blast! ^__^ Soooo fun! Oh, Rick never called me back. Ah well.

Dad had his birthday, I gave him a belt with Gordo. He was very happy. And I'm still working. Tra la la la. Thbpt! Dad says that when I get enough to pay him back, I'm allowed to quit. Maybe I will. I really hate retail. It makes me so unhappy. Next summer, if I don't go to Wales study abroad, I'll get a job closer to home. With a set schedule too. That'd be very nice. Only, I don't know where I'd be able to work that isn't retail... *sigh* I'll figure something out. The distance is too much. Traffic, gas, a long time to drive after working at night.

I must get ready for work. Ruley truly.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

And she takes pictures

I learned how to take pictures of my desktop with my computer! Woooo.

That would be my desktop. With my browser open to my dreamblog. Spiffy, eh? I designed that blog myself. v_v

Friday, July 28, 2006

In which I keep you all up to date

Lo siento on not updating. Life has been dragging, lagging, and gagging. Bleah.

Dragging because it's lost the sparkle it once held. I used to look forward to things each day. Now what do I look forward to? Going to a place where I must talk to complete strangers, most of whom brush me off with cold and unfeeling remarks. And I'm expected to smile. Which I do. I do my job well. But it's hard on my shy side. So yeah, I go to work and it's very scary. But I do it well and it pays well and my co-workers are always pleasant. :)

Lagging because I get nothing done I have intended to get done. Grarg. I meant to start my RSOM submission this summer, hoping to finish it before school. But work is so tiring and depressing that I haven't the energy nor heart to do any worth while pieces. Well, not true. I did start a painting, which I am amazingly proud of. But, as I said, I'm really quite tired and it's hard to have the strength to pour my whole self into. Which I must do for a piece to turn out right. I only get to work on it on the weekends, and only weekends I do not work. Which will not be this weekend.

Gagging because things have become interesting when involving my love life. A guy from church asked me out, we went out and I decided he's a dandy friend but I'm not interested in dating him. So, no more dates with buddy boy. There's another guy who I am pretty sure likes me, but I am under the strong impression he's waiting for me to make the move. Which I don't do. I am not a mover. Nope. I'm too shy to move. If a guy wants me, he's gotta get up and come. I don't hold grudges, or bite (unless I become frightened of you), and rarely say no to a guy. Unless you give me the heebie geebies. But only 2 guys give me those. So even though guys seem to have discovered I am, in fact, a girl and I do, in fact, have some attractive qualities, I can only think of two guys I would be willing to go out with more than once and neither of them are interested in me. BUT that does not mean I will turn down other guys. I'm not shallow like that.

Now the update has been stated. On to today!

I worked. Worked. Worked. And slept. There was some food involved, and phone calls. But mostly working and sleeping.

I got up at the beginning of traffic and left at thirty minutes to the end of traffic, got to work when traffic ended, read until 2.5 hours before lunch, and worked until traffic began again.

I managed to make my highest UPT (units per transaction) a 5, which was the highest when I left work, so I might get the 10 dollar discount tomorrow. Which is good because I'm buying a pair of shoes. The last pair of Trista, which so happen to be in my size. They're very pretty black strappy shoes that I can wear to church. Perfect, because all my other church shoes are winter shoes. Summer shoes! Yay! And they're so comfy and nice. Black leather. Hot sthtuff. Oh, and they're 50% off. *hee hee* Not so expensive now, eh Pacha? I hope I get the ten dollars off so they only cost me a very little amount.

I must must MUST sleep. I have to go to Haley's tomorrow, the bank, and then to work. Again. All day. I'm closing tomorrow. Mee hee....


This evening I was looking around the Swansea University website, checking out the English and Welsh study program and I couldn't figure out the reuirements I need to transfer. So I just sent an email to the international advisor. I'm nervous! It's basically my first attempt to contact a University.

Tomorrow I'm off to haley's to find my earring. Or to try to find my earring. T_T I hope I do.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Fall Schedule

English literature: Mythology and Folklore
Tues/Thurs • 1:30-3:10

Phys. Ed: Tai Chi
Mon/wed • 9:30-10:20

Spanish: Spanish 001
Tues/thurs • 3:45-5:55

Nutrition: Contemporary Nutrition
Tues/thurs • 11:30-1:10

I win. That's 13.5 units. I will not let myself get less than a 4.0 this quarter.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Pacific Heights

I've been feeling rather breathless teh past few days. I need to take deep breaths a lot and I can't sing too much, which makes driving a bit boring. I like to sing-a-long. My knees have also been acting up. Super lame.

But other than that jazzy stuff, life's nice. Work is good, though my breathlessness is taking it's toll on me. Last week was infinitly better than the past two days... I went to Laura's today and finally got her to watch Howl's Moving Castle, which she loved. Of course. Who wouldn't.

I have to register for classes tomorrow at 5 am. And at 9:45 I have my root canal. Of doom. Don't expect me to be miss sunshine and butterflies when I'm less than twelve hours away from having a tooth completely massacred in a burst of pain and DEATH!

Friday, July 14, 2006

I'm thinking of going to....

I got a lot off my chest at Laura's today. I told her all my worries about school and we made a startling good discovery about myself. And the more I think about it, the better I feel about my path. The path seems more clear, and I don't mind taking the extra time at De Anza to get the grades I need. There aren't any boys to distract me from my schooling so I should be able to spend most of my time doing school and not going to activities just to meet a boy. That's pointless for me right now. It may change should I meet a guy worth while. I'll know if I meet a guy like that. I sort of haven't right now anyway.

But yeah. A wonderful idea has been formed and it seems too good to be true.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Just a little more

I had a lot of short dreams last night. They were like a phrase someone would say to me as we sat next to each other, or my looking a piece of paper. Like in one dream, I was confused because a webpage wasn't loading. It should have been. We were already in July. So I looked at my calender and it said we were in June. And my mom said that too. We were still in June. I was so confused. Another one was that I came out of my house and found it wasn't in Los Gatos anymore. And then I realized I wasn't even in my own house! I felt so lost and confused. Again. Yes, all my dreams left me completely confused.

Dad deleted something off my computer that took up 28 GB. Now my computer is faster and there's more room. Hopefully, all the fits it's been throwing, telling me there's no more "disk space" will stop.

I need to eat something. And shower. I have work at 3. I'm still feeling horrible and depressed. I don't want to go to work. *sigh*

A dangerous resolve

Whew, that may not have solved any problems, but it made me feel amazingly better. After a complete and utter melt down (which I am still teetering around the edge of) I washed a box of rasberries, filled up my bathtub, put a bath fizzy in (which turned out to be Wild Rasberry scented, so the water turned a bright reddish pink; I felt like I was bathing in non-sticky juice), got my book, and lounged. It was nice. I even lit a candle.

But my neck and head still ache, my eyes are still red and sore, and I'm still completely racked with terror.


I'm contemplating a makeover. Not in my appearances. Just in my life.

Throwing away all the junk cluttering up my shelves and boxes. Stopping my visits to MySpace and LDSlinkup (maybe once a month or less). Only writing in my blogspots. Not going on IM anymore. Basically restricting my computer use to Word and photoshop/painter. I'm sure I'll still watch anime and read comic books. But, things are gonna change. Or they should.

There are no boys worth my time in my life right now. I realize that. He doesn't like me and that's fine. I don't want a guy who doesn't like me. I'm so turned off by that. He bothers me, now that I think about it. His mannerisms push my buttons.

I will save my money up for the thing I want, but if I can't afford it, I'll buy a new wardrobe. Toss out all my old crappy clothes and buy new stuff.

Finish all the stories I've started and put all finish works in a file. That'll be a good way to kill time.

Things are gonna change. I'll make them.

After I finish crying. Who knows what this bout will end.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


I'm sick. Horribly so. Gut wrenching pain. I've grown accustomed to shuddering with pain. -_-

Anyway, so, remember when I hurt my knee back in whenever it was? Yes, at the pool thing in June or May. Or something? Yes. Well, the pain faded away and only popped up if I locked my knee to tightly or tried to turn on my locked knee. Something trippy. But since I started working again, which is two days, I can't lock my knee anymore, and my other knee it in a constant dull, vaguely annoying pain. While I'm sitting. If I'm standing, it hurts like crazy.

More work tomorrow. I'm tired.... I also have to clean my bathroom. I'm still not sure how I'm cleaning shower/tub.


My head, it dies....

Last night, before I went to bed, I decided (at random) to knit a row on the blanket I'm knitting. But by the endof the row, I had this head ache forming at the base of my neck. I figured it was from sitting up straight with my head bent down for so long. So I rolled my neck around, took the hair tie out of my hair, and lay down. The head ache was still there when I fell asleep. During all my dreams, I had the head ache. I actually remember thinking about the pain as I dreamed. When I woke up, it was still there and worse than before. So I've taken some advil. Here's hoping! -_-*

Work in an hour and a half. I can't wait to be standing for 5 and a half hours today. Oh joy. My head is going to fall off!!!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

If you get teleported, tell me immediately.

Work from 9:30 - 3 tomorrow. That's a long time. And the boys are coming over tomorrow after work. Or, at least, Dan is. So far. Maybe Brendan and Spencer. We'll see. I hope so. I miss them all very much. Dan's bringing me more Bleach! He's super nice. ^_^

Work today was good, as usual. Most of it was just the representative showing us the new lines coming in. I have to catch up to date on our pieces and learn the names of the sets and such. So much to do.

My computer is being bad too. It's new and great, but everytime I go to wake it up from sleep, it gets stuck in the twirlly rainbox ring and I have to restart it. And it's under the impression that it has no disk space left. Poor dillusional fool.... But Daddy comes home tomorrow and promises to help me! And so does Jared, if worse comes to worst. Jared is good. He works for apple and knows all about how it works. Dad knows a lot too. He's super smart.

Bed. Work early tomorrow. I have to leave at 8:30. Blearg!

Monday, July 10, 2006

I amaze everybody.

We watched My Blue Heaven tonight as a family. Good movie. I also watched Grease again. I've noticed recently that I have become different in my ways of movie watching. When I was a lot younger, it was like "Allison come watch this movie" be it at home or at the theatre. And I would come bounding into the room. Now I want to know what it is and what it's about and then I'll decide. And even then....

So, tomorrow is my first day of work in a while. I go in at 2, so lucky me, it's not way early. I'm not opening. Or closing, in fact. Sweet!

I haven't got a black shirt to wear. Snnnnnnnap. Well, there's only one shirt I could wear, really. It's a cardigan combo and unbearably hot. But it'll do. But I don't know if I can wear it everyday of the week as I work. Maybe my sister will have some I can use until I go shirt shopping. I should like some short sleeved things. I also hope I'll be able to get a black skirt. ^_^

Anywho. I'm starved! Hamburger?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Wee hee hee!

Done done done done done. Done done. Done! I am all done! I took my math final yesterday and turned in my writing portfolio and I am done! Such a good feeling.

Of course, now mom and I have to clean the house because we're going out of town this afternoon. Karren is going to be here while we're gone with some guests, so house must be clean clean clean.

I'm glad to have all this nerve racking stuff over with because now I'll stop picking at my fingers and they can heal.


Monday, June 26, 2006

2 at the library

I can't sleep. My legs are killing me. It's that "growing pains" pain. I can't be growing. I'm too old to be growing still. Well, whatever the reason, I can't sleep. Bah. I'm going to take something small because this is small pain.

Tomorrow I have a study meeting at 2 with Nicole. Oh boy! Math stuff forever!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Daily update of schedule

Currently Working on: English

Saturday 24th
[ ] Study math
[ ] English done?

Sunday 25th
[ ] Study math
[ ] English?

Monday 26th
[ ] Turn in english portfolio
[ ] Study math

Tuesday 27th
[ ] Math final
[ ] Die, metaphorically

Wednesday 28th
[ ] Fly to Utah

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The day is blue

2 months until my birthday. How rockin' is that! I'll be 19! Life will be a little bit better. But then, it always is (sometimes I just don't choose to see it).

Stuart braided my hair all prettily today. Everyone complimented me on it. I also drew two totally awesome pictures which were also complimented at every turn. I'm so proud I could burst! Mm!!

I'm very happy right now. I am just so thrilled to be alive. I want to go do stuff. I passed 3 or 5 motorcycles on my way home and I was SO JEALOUS. I want to go riding. But I'm going to the beach with my ever-lovable ward to play in the sand and the water and to be happy. I will be happy. Very happy. I'm happy already!

I was mildly displeased today on my way to school as I listened to a song ("I wasn't prepared" by Eisley) and I realized something that had a lot to do with the song. I was singing along and then it was like it was about me. I was very grumpy. But I shrugged at the idea of liking someone for once (instead of starting to worry like I do), and decided I can't change this (no matter how hard I've tried before) and being upset won't change it. So I'll just enjoy things and try not to let this effect me.

I think I'll scan some drawings in.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Pain is like a fly

So, my dad says I have a low pain threshold. And he may be right, I may indeed have a low one. But I don't tell them about half the pain I go through.

There's always something hurting, but I deal with it on my own because it usually goes away after a day or so. Whenever it doesn't I bring it to my parents. I follow their advice and then it usually goes away. But while I hurt, I can go through periods of time where I ignore the pain because I find positions or ways of walking that keep the pain away or at a minimum. Unless it's in my mouth, but I try to ignore that.

But when it doesn't go away I get frustrated. Think of it as a fly that you keep smashing and you think it's gone, but it just shows up again when you least expect it. And it's biggar than it was the day before. And louder. And more in your face. And it just gets harder to ignore. And you get so annoyed with it, you want to drop everything to kill the darn thing! But you can't! It just won't die! Stupid fly of pain! Just die already and let me get on with my life! It keeps me from sleeping very long, it wakes me up. I work really hard to focus on things and the pain just gets more intense until I can barely keep from screaming from the pain. Like has happened 3 or 4 times this weekend.

Anyway.... I have class soon.

A feeling

I need to be held.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Kill me...

Someone kill me. My teeth on my right bottom half of my mouth are KILLING ME!!! And not softly! Harshly! Throbbing pain, making me angry! I can't eat anything!! Believe me, I'm trying!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

What the-- ARG!

So.... the wonderful things of day.

I wasn't late to weight lifting. Oh boy! But I forgot Mel's gift... *aww* I lifted some insane amounts today though!

Annnnd I worked my rear off during the 4 hours between PE and math to make sure my math was done right. Which it wasn't. Of course. Lucky me. So I had to redo it. But I had to meet Joe to discuss our english projects. Which I did. Then I scurried to math. I wanted so badly to finish my practice final on time, that I wrote as I walked. It was really hard to not make a mess of it. I might still have made it rather sloppy though. *grump* But I managed to finish it! And I have full belief it is done and done right! As opposed to the first part of the assignment which I foolishly did half of incorrectly because I'm stupid like that. I took notes, understood the math, felt pleased, took a quiz (got half of the last problem wrong), scribbled down my scores to total up later and was out the door.

And when I got home? I was bombarded with questions about my plans. I felt highly picked on. *snap* I did snap. I got very angry and very much emotional and very... gr! So I went to enrichment late. But there was a lot of really good desserty things to cheer me up in a way only sugar can. I felt a lot better. Especially after being able to talk to said boy of secrecy. But I left early due to unusual amounts of work my classes glob on me. Globs of work. Bleah.

I came home and took a bath due to mental and physical fatigue. Somehow, baths seem to heal me *mystical light from the stars* It's like magic....

BUT. Just now, I totaled up my math scores. Dismay. I am sorely put out. I have an 84%. That's bad enough, but there had to be some salt thrown on my wound! I could have an 89% if I hadn't missed that one class back in april due to a mental/emotional breakdown that led me to fits of tears and anger. And even better? I get to go into class on tuesday and beg Mr. Hansen to let me have those 25 points back. Somehow. Someway. I can't bear to get another B in another math class, especially when I worked so flippin' hard in his! I ahevn't worked this hard since high school! It's not fair and I won't let it happen! I WON'T! I will print out that day from this here blog and show it to him. Maybe maybe maybe (but doubtfully) he'll believe me and give it back. I would be so happy if he would... It's so not fair to lose those points.

A sudden thought. Methinks as I spied the scoresheet, I a glimmer of hope. Where we get 25 extra points for not missing a class, I saw a negative 5. Could it be that because I missed one class, I only lose 5 points? If that is so... I will cry. Cry and hug Mr. Hansen. What out Mr. Hansen! I pouncing on that score sheet on tuesday! *please*

And then the dream was gone.... I just studied the syllabus for math only to find that the "-5" I saw on the scoresheet was not as I originally thought. It was, in fact, a -5 from my grand total of points. Not from the 25 extra credit. So now, instead of having an 84% I have an 83%. And a fresh bout of depression, laced heavily with bitter disappointment.

I'm going to bed... to find solace.

Plans until finals and the probability of few updates

Thursday 15th
-sketch 5 drawings
-few math problems
-Skim/cut out for collage

Friday 16th
-Sketch 10+ drawings
-Cut out/paste pictures for collage
-Math problems
-Finish watercolor

Saturday 17th
-Sketch 10+ drawings
-Other collage work

Sunday 18th
Fathers day
-Sketch last drawings
-Make sure art is done
-Finish math
-Try to finish collage without rushing

Monday 19th
-Turn in 4 drawings and 33 sketches
-Meet with English teacher
-Math done?
-Try to finish collage

Tuesday 20th
-Weight lifting
-2 pages for english
-Finish collage

Wednesday 21st
-Turn collage in
-English class
-Math homework

Thursday 22nd
-Weight lifting
-Math class
-Study for math final

Friday 23rd
-Study for math until my eyes fall out
-Put english portfolio together

Saturday 24th
-Study math
-English done?

Sunday 25th
-Study math

Monday 26th
-Turn in english portfolio
-Study math

Tuesday 27th
-Math final
-Die, metaphorically

Wednesday 28th
-Fly to Utah

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Those birds know the rice is for them...

I'm sorry. I would write more often with more interesting entires, but the pain in my jaw and knee makes me sort of... float through my days. I'm on heavy meds, sleep a lot, eat soft foods, and sleep a lot.

Today was sort of an exception, I guess. I woke up early, took a shower, went to weight lifting (did more than I have been doing now that I've found meds that work), walked to institute, did homework.

My sister came by and brought me a taco! The meaty juices made it soft and fleshy (if that's okay with you) and delicious. I was happy *gurgle*. Then I worked on math some more, before driving to Panda Express to meet Joe.

I was planning on walking, but once I walked to my car, I realized my knee wouldn't make it. So I drove. Parking was quite horrible, but I made it in and ordered white rice. Joe came, we discussed, we laughed, I left.

Mom just made me Mac-n-cheese. Because I'm an invalid and in pain. No moving. I'm really quite sad. But she made me yummy food. And I just popped a codine, so I'll be crashing in about 30 minutes or so. I need to get ready for bed soon.

But, after I left Joe, I went to math. I managed to finish all my homework, turn it in, and do mighty fine on a "quizzy-poo" (my math teacher is psychotic). We even got out early. 5:30. Then Nicole and I discussed story ideas we had and we told each other our stories in great detail until about 7, when I went home and died.

I'm so ... ugh. I'm not as miserable as I could be though. I will be giggly and dead tired in 30 minutes, so I'm feeling cheerful enough.

No classes tomorrow!! Life is blissful! Mom and I are going to University art! I'm looking forward to the coming day!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Ode to pain

I never knew pain to to be such,
For pain in my mouth proves to be much.
The chill of the morning brings food I adore,
But the chill of the food makes it hurt all the more.
How about hot things that can't be called cold?
I guess I should say that it's pain from the bold.
Crunchy or chewy, cold or hot,
These hurt my mouth and should not be forgot.
My jaw is so silly for feeling so much,
My teeth are annoying being scared of a touch.
I suppose what I am attempting to say,
Is I hate my mouth! Take it out today!


Sunday, June 11, 2006

The otherwise

Well, had anything exciting happened this weekend, I should have written. But nothing did. I slept a lot. I went to bed at remarkably early times, got up incredibly late and took a lot of pain meds for my knee and jaw. I watched a lot of movies and ate a lot of pudding, which my mom kindly bought for me on friday. I read a book, played video games, and slept.

I did manage to come up with a really good idea for my RSOM entry. I think I want to work on it this summer, when I'm not working. I have no idea how often work will happen. *shrug* We'll see soon enough. I have to call work soon to tell them when I want to start working. Which will be on the 10th. I love my job. I love my co-workers especially. They're all so amazingly cool. They seem to love me too. Weird.

Anyway. I'm listening to music. But I want to read. Or something. I'm not tired anymore. Sleeping all day sort of killed that.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Retarded spider of grossness

I can't sleep. For a few reasons too.

One. My jaw is dying of pain pain pain.

Two. My knee is uncomfortable, making it hard for me to get comfortable. Making my conditions not condusive to sleeping.

Three. There is a monster spider on my wall. I noticed him after my bath and have been finding reasons to... not be in my room. He won't leave. How I hate him and his big spiderness. He's the size of a swollen quarter! *shudder*

So, I'm sleeping down stairs in the living room. Hopefully, at some point in the morning, he'll be gone and there will be a better chance of sleeping my room.

And good night. See you in the living room.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I make it so easy, huh?

Well, I feel today to be a mighty success for the most part.

I got to class on time when I was sure I'd be late. I got to work out my upper body with more vigor than I had thought I could. I finished my math in time. I managed to maintain my cool around a guy. Three times. I kept my cool enough to ask a guy to go bowling with me (which he said yes to). I got to the church in time to go beaching. I didn't hurt my knee at the beach. I had a good good night playing at the beach.

The beach was the best part. Every good thing happened there. I got there and there was a bonfire and people. Leighann lent me her sweater because I forgot mine (she had a jacket too, so I didn't feel bad). I had a hot dog and some marshmallows. I walked around in the sand with Steph to admire the view and to chat it up. I told a story to Ben, who proceeded to laugh at me and make me grumpy, which I promptly got over because he didn't even take that seriously. I asked Josh to go bowling. I was happy. All night long.

My knee hurts right now, though, because my advil wore off. My jaw hurts for the same reason.

I want a bath.... I shall have one!!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I got hit with a ninja star cause I'm a NINJA!

I don't care what any of you say, I'm unhappy! I have every right to be unhappy too! My knee not only hurts, but it's getting worse! It now hurts even when I'm not using it or moving it or anything! It's the most retarded piece of flesh I have on me right now! I hate it! My knee hurts, my toes hurt, my jaw hurts. I'm not happy and I don't care who knows it. *grump*

Well... I wish I could say that made me feel better. But it didn't. My knee still hurts like crazy and I'm still hungry as a bear. I want to go upstairs but it's so hard to walk around without a lot of pain, I have taken to... not walking around.

Tomorrow is weight lifting again, but I really doubt I'll get much out of it. At all. Like, really at all. Even less than tuesday. Yeah. Super.

Today wasn't too shabby if you ignore the leg stuff. By the time I got to school, my leg hurt so badly I could barely hobble to the church. So I crashed on the couch, curled up under the blanket and sulked for an hour. But my friends have a knack for cheering me up by being unbearably pleasant and hilarious and shrugging off my sulks. My knee did start to feel better so I allowed myself to salsa with Derk for a bit. Which wasn't such a grand idea. My knee did hurt considerably after that.

Oh, because this was the coolest thing I heard all day, I shall tell you. I was laying on the couch when Derk arrived today and the first thing out his mouth is, "I hope I get a scar!" Well, needless to say, I am super confused and must ask what scar. Hence I discovered that last night, our favorite Derk was hit/stabbed in the thigh by a ninja star. A NINJA STAR! The coolest way ever to be wounded! He wants it to scar so he can tell about the scar. I wish I had a ninja star. Derk gets one. I want one too. He is now, though, The Delicious Master Ninja Derk. Oh, he'll like that.

I want the beef stew to be done so I can eat it. And then go take a bath. *misery*

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

A recap...

What happened last night...

And today....
Need I say more?


Monday, June 05, 2006

Why Andrew, you have steel things in your wrist...

So today. Ho hum. Let's see.

I wake up, I go to art. Yay art! Everyone likes my picture. But I have decided to do some more to it. It needs more color and texture in the ship. I'm excited to do that.

I go back to institute and meet Derk's little brother, Rhett. He's fun. Then I read Beauvallet for a long time.

Went to english. Everyone liked my piece. The loved my dialoge and actions! That was great! I was so happy!!

I come home and take a nap. Then I'm off to FHE. It's a swim thing and potluck, but I just wanted to swim. So I wore my bathing suit and swam.

Then things turned ugly. I get up to jump off the diving board. Now, I have no idea how deep the pool is. I thought it was nice and deep and I could do a pencil dive, feet first. WRONG! Very very wrong! I get onto the diving board. I'm excited, yay! I jump, wee! The water splashes, I'm happy. And then... My feet hit the bottom so remarkably fast, I didn't have time to react. They were still locked and I was still streaking full force towards the bottom when I struck. My legs buckled and I floated to the top, in massive pain. My left leg was throbbing entirely with pain. My knee and foot were so intense it was a struggle to not cry out. My right foot's toes throbbed as well. I kicked, somewhat pathetically, to the wall and clung onto it.

The pain did subside though, so I thought the worst was over. WRONG! I went to have some cake and was standing there, cutting, when I feel this growing pain in my left knee. I feel confused and then suddenly, it bursts out into pain and my knee (which had been locked) buckles again. So I decide to go home. And home I go.

My left foot has a bump and a bruise on it. My knee is red and bruised and swollen. I'm so tired. I have homework.

I also have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning because I lost a filling over the week-end. Oh joy!


Sunday, June 04, 2006

What a day this has been.

Okay, so I first finished my watercolor. That means, I finished it. But it also means I must leave it alone for a while to strip my mind of the memory of how it looks, then I shall go back and look at it. If I am satisfied, life is good. If not... I cry. Then I work more.

So, I'm hungry. Really really hungry. I have hollow feelings in my stomach, I need food.

Jolene's engaged! To Shane (who I don't know) and they're getting married sometime! Isn't that cool? She's my age! We went to girl's camp together and have oodles of inside jokes! High Five! and now she marries mystery boy.

I have to turn in 2 pages tomorrow. 2 pages to read to english class. Will they like? I don't know. Do I care? Not so much. The teacher's opinion is the mattering one here. She grades me. Yes, I personally am graded. It seriously affects my mood. *thbpt*

Now... Food. Writing. And then, investigate the inner workings of my perdy picture.

A lazy sunday

Herro there.

I'm super tired. Most of yesterday was spent lounging about my room, dozing in and out of sleep and such. Today, after church, I fell asleep on my bed, being full of food and happy feelings. Now it's kinda late and I have to finish my picture. Have at ye!

I got my pay check on friday, so tomorrow between classes I may go cash it.

I got released from my calling as FHE co-chair and was called to be on the compassionate service committee. I'm very excited!

Art! Work! *rawr*

Friday, June 02, 2006

Glittering eyes

My eyes glitter with no care,
And pirates sailing through my hair,
Leave me speechless on the beaches
In my mind, your hand, it reaches,
Towards my glittering eyes...

Imagine your world is something more
Than it is now,
Then was before.
Imagine me inside your heart,
Does it feel like
Something is right?

Holding fast to the ropes around my mind
I can dictate all I find
You are with me I am singing and
This is how I'm feeling
In my glittering eyes...

Imagine your world is something more
Than it is now,
Then was before.
Imagine me inside your heart,
Does it feel like
Something is right?

Fighting for the spaces
Deep inside my mind, I
Share my heart with you.
Kicking down the doors that
Block off my memories, I
Share my heart with you.

Imagine your world is something more
Than it is now,
Then was before.
Imagine me inside your heart,
Does it feel like
Something is right?

Does it feel like,
Something is right?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

"With eye glasses full of stars"

So, I basically drew the best picture ever last night. And by last night, I mean wednesday night. Curse time for being later than I had planned. Back to the picture. It rocks. Rocks like a horse on two pieces of wood, with a small child riding it. It's super cool. It has a pirate ship. One I designed all myself. And it has a large sparkly eye. And long pretty hair. It's so cool. And it's just a sketch. Tomorrow I shall lightly put it to watercolor paper with pencil and ink it. So happy with it.

And so happy with Eisley. Wow, I love that band. I'm so glad I bougth their CD thing off iTunes. 9.90 for 12 songs of blissful beautiful words that interpret everything I feel at any given moment. What are the odds of that?

Tomorrow, though, I go to palo alto to be with my sister and brother(-in-law). Laura and I shall bond and talk and be happy, then Brock comes home from the place he works (being a law office) and we watch The Thin Man and enjoy being family. Yay!

I'm oddly happy. It's, well, odd. It's so not normal for me to be so thoroughly happy. Nothing is bothering me. Except one thing. I'm so not bothered by anything right now, my mind figures I'm in denial and is trying to figure it out. But there's nothing. It's not an old flame, though I tried to discover if it was. It's not a new flame, though for a moment today I suspected it was. It's not school, because I'm doing well and working hard. It's not church because things are clearing up in ym calling and I'm working on my testimony again and feeling stronger. It's not family because I love them always. It's not my health because I pretty much do my best to be healthy. I don't think there's anything. I don't even really like any guys. I mean, I'm not worrying over any. I feel content with where I am with them. Except one, but it doesn't bother me as much as it did. I'm not pining for anybody, and that feeling is so wonderful...

"Plenty of paper for scenery paintings"

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Pirates in the sky

Inspired! I have an idea for an amazing watercolor! I need to sketch it before it goes away! How convienient I was clicking on this link when it struck me...

Oh you are my star

I bought a CD off iTunes. I spent a long time trying to find the least expensive way to get this CD and this was the cheapest way. And the only way. But I sure do love Eisley.

And so today. Or maybe yesterday? I went to weight lifting. Very silly peoples there. Ha ha, and the notorious rakes (only Stuart shall understand). I played Settlers of Catan with Cami and Ganelle afterwards. I won once and then Cami beat me (mercilessly). Ganelle was thoroughly distracted by her homework, so, we killed her.

They left sometime and I was left to read Beauvallet. Such a cool romance book. Pirates are sweet and romance is cool, so a good combo.

Then Kris showed up and I became flustered. But having that... conversation with him did make me come to a realization. That there is a difference between the thoughts behind religious testimonies and the thoughts behind political views. That being that when one is building ones testimony, you are finding "proofs" for what you wish to believe. You are finding truths that support your case. And the more you search, the more you will find supporting your cause, and you will build it up. But, the thought behind political views is to decide what you believe and to disprove everyone elses ideas. That's why "political discussions" between two people of opposite political views always turn into arguments; you aren't supporting your ideas, you are disproving theirs. Hence, I loathe politics. They make people angry and frustrated. Both feelings I hate. And that's why I love religion and testimonies. Because you don't depend on others being wrong to be right. You depend on yourself and your ability to discover truths. It's so much simpler and more pleasant.

I shared that with Carolyn and we both felt edified.

I finished my math homework with little terror and went off to math class. Took some notes, did half of my homework in class, and showed the score of a quiz to him so I got credit for it. That should amp up my grade a little bit.

When I left I remembered Ryan was having a little party so I went there and we played Hand and Foot. We ate pizza and I enjoyed that game a lot, now that I think back on it... hm. Then we played Super Smash Brothers, which I am not too terrible at but Ryan is better than us to a startling degree easily defined as unfair. Then, I taught everyone how to play Mao. Such a good game. You learn to play and think "I hate this!" and then suddenly, you love it. It's sweet!

Today, I slept in because art was canceled. Went to school and arrived early so I chilled in institute with Cami, Ganelle, and Derk. Derk was sore from his sky diving convention (and a trip into a briar patch) so I gave his back a massage (and he grateful). Then I was off to english to turn in my six pages of writing. The in class writing wasn't too bad either.

I got home sometime and made some food and rested in front of the TV (there was horrible traffic coming home from an accident).

Now I shall shower. Then finish my math. Et cetera.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Sweet! I came in 3rd!

All right, all right. I know. I am truly losing my blogging touch. I used to be able to update 4 times a day, for years on end. It was shocking how good I was. Then one day... I graduated. And people were seeking my attention rather than me seeking theirs. I am still growing used to this, even after almost a year of it.

Rawk! Let the update begin! *fwah*

Sunday was super. I got up, went to church, enjoyed church to no end, discovered Derek was indeed still out of town, planned (with the help of the ever useful Leighann) a pleasant FHE, made fliers for said FHE, distrubuted said fliers about said FHE (I'm enjoying the used of "said" here), handed my sketch book over to a 7-year-old for close inspection, ate a ton of chocolate things, called someone in Idaho, scribbled down directions to hook up a mixer to a sound system and projector, and felt tired. A lot. Heck, I feel tired just having written that because it makes me sound busy. Wug.

After I got home from church (yes, that all happened during church between 1 and 4 pm) Hiro came over and home taught me. A good home teacher, that Hiro. And Laura and Brock came over and ate our soup with me and we told hilarious stories about my beloved grand parents and pistachio chocolate chip ice cream (aka, Mint chocolate chip). Other things happened too that have slipped from my mind in a ninja like manner.

Today (proceeds to alter time on entry to make it Monday - what time it truly is, you shall never ever know) I got up thinking I had a reason to. I made a few phone calls and got dressed because I was promised shoes if I did. I proceeded to watch What not to wear with my ever hilarious father and brothers. Then we went to Nordstrom Rack and I was lovingly given two pair of shoes and a big soft blanket (let it forever be known as The best blanket ever). I enjoy my shoes and will wear them now as often as time permits. Diesel makes good shoes, fyi. Fyi. Fyi. I hate that phrase but am too lazy to delete back and edit in the full phrase. I'm lazy like that. That makes me cool.

After all that shopping goodness, I went to Trina's for FHE. Well, more like I went to Safeway for oreos to bring to FHE. My mom had me throw our watermelon rinds away before hand. I was whistled at by an obnoxious person in an ugly rusted Chevrolette, and the guy at the check out stared at me... I was fully confused. It must be the shoes. They are pretty sexy...

FHE!! We met at Trina's (a most excellent Relief Society President) and enjoyed chocolate confections and The Pirates of the Caribbean. And my blanket. We did enjoy that. Although, I did lose in Mario Cart. Everytime I play, no matter who I play as (this time I was Yoshi), I come in 4th and have horrednous steering. Except that one time I came in 3rd. Such pride I felt.

Now I am home. And tired. And my room is clean because I succumbed to my ever complusive ways and put my clothes away. Thus it became known that I have a floor. A floor commonly labeled as "tan." A floor which last night I saw had a fat spider of gross evility on (which I promptly squished repeatedly with my flippity flop). I also had a small spider on my ceiling. I killed that too. It left a mess though. A leg or two fell onto the top bunk. I felt sick. Bleah. Spiders are so not cool.

I have things to do, a bed to sleep in, and a class to attend tomorrow. Which is actually today, but I trick you with my skillful time changing ability. I am amazing like that.

Saturday, May 27, 2006


All right!

Today, is Saturday. Yesterday was Friday. Let's start there.

We went to see X-men 3: Last Stand. It was good, but I wanted to cry half the time because of all the stuff Jean did. I did not expect any of it and it just got worse and worse.

I watched Sleeping Beauty last night. Such a nice movie. So good. Why don't they make villians like Malificent anymore? Or weapons like, "The Shield of Virtue" and "The Sword of Truth." Man, those are the best. Everything was cool then. Malificent was genuinely evil. She had minions and evil power and she was brilliant and completely awesome. She had all the powers of Hell (she said so herself). The fairies were hilarious and cool and so passionate! Everyone was awesome! There were so many things in this movie that would be "unacceptable" nowadays. Stu says the Sword and Shield bit (of truth and virtue) are straight from the bible. And when Phillip threw the sword at her, there was blood. And they did say the world "Hell" (in reference, of course). It was all cool. So cool. I'm happy.

Also, yesterday my mom has this lovely sparkly wind chime I really liked, so I traded her one of my hand made (the ones I make) stuffed animals for it. Now I have a little wind chime! And she has the stuffed doggie.

I got up at 1 today and went to the bank (finally) and deposited my paycheck. Now, I have some money. Not much, but I have some. I can pay tithing and pay back my parents. Huzzah!

I want to watch another movie. And to hang my wind chime.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

*crack crack* That'd be my knee, darlin'

How does one sleep when one's body is full of sharp aching pains? Yeah. That's what I thought. When I mention these pains of sharpness, I refer to my knee. And my torso. But let's focus on the former.

The past two weeks have been vicious on my poor knee. We did rock climbing for FHE last week and it totally strained my knee. It hurt for a few days afterwards. We also run in weight lifting and that was never good for me. Then at the softball thing on saturday I over worked my knee again and it developed a sharp constant pain that has been haunting me since then. It only went away on tuesday. Lucky me, huh? Not for long! Today I was standing on the couch chair (do not ask, it makes no sense) and was climbing down. Easy as pie, yes? Totally. But I slipped. And my knee bashed into the arm rest and I fell down and couldn't stand for a while. And now I have a fatty bruise on my knee right on top of my old surgery scar. It's like the scar just decided to... swell. *puff* It's not so pretty. Well, it's a pretty shade of purple but the concept behind that purple is pain. Pain does not equal pretty, even if the pain is purple.

Anyway. That's my biggest concern as of... now. My torso hurts, I'm sure, because I'm hungry. I will eat and the pain shall subside and recovery shall be imminent. Huzzah!

And I will sleep. Probably. And this time, keep myself fully conscious as I go to bed. When I woek up this morning, I realized I could not remember what I did last night after I put my math down. I worked on my math and then set it down and the suddenly! I was waking up to my alarm. When did I set my alarm? How did I get in bed? When did I turn off my light? They are all mysteries....

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The life effect

So, last night I uploaded the pictures from my camera and discovered pictures from a trip to the beach! And so, I shall put them here. How very friendly of me!

Behold! Jared has lazer telepathy! See? He can shoot a lazer from his forehead! Beeew!
See the fire? It's nice. Very warm. But see that red thing? That'd be Jared's telo-lazer.
But why did he lazer me?! I burn!
Jared surveys his destructive power.
Amy has the lighter spray near her. About two seconds before Jared lazered me, she sprayed me with that. Horrible!
You see? They had it all planned! Take pictures of Alli as she burns!
That's me, after the pictures and such. This is when they started feeling bad. Yeah, took forever!
But it was too late! Alas!
Poor me... I'm going out...
But I'm like a Pheonix! I burn and then get reborn into something better! LIKE A PIRATE!

(No Alli's were harmed in the making of these photos, and though Pirates were involved, no one was plundered or pillaged. On film)

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

We descend so easily

Ah me.

Today was not so good. I came to sad conclusion. I thought a lot about it and decided what was best. And I'm confident in my choice. I'll give him a chance and forget about the other guy. I saw them both today (a rare occurence) and it's decided. I hope it's the right one.. *sigh* We shall see, won't we?

Anyway. I got up early and straightened my hair for a change (which, by the way, I am never doing on work out days again). Went to weight lifting, lifted, felt strong, laughed, etc. A good fun time. ^_^ Afterwards, though, I ended up letting Stu convince me to go to Starbucks with them all. I got to meet Ashley and she's terribly nice! She and Stu are so nice. Tad is nice too, a bit of a recluse, but it's all good. And Spencer... is Spencer. I don't know how to describe him.

we all went to Starbucks and Stu bought me a chocolate milk (which is real milk, by the way - The label tells you true) and then we followed Tad and Spencer to Whole Foods and they bought this magical mint water (they call it Mmwater).

Spencer: "It's like, you're drinking it and thinking 'I'm drinking water' and then you stop drinking it and then you're suddenly all 'Whoa! Mint!'"

Tad: "Yeah, totally!"

And they were right. It's very much water with a mint aftertaste. Very odd. I liked it though, and I'm not much of a mint person. *shrug* it made my sore throat feel better, so I shan't complain.

We mosied somewhere on campus (not sure where, I started feeling dazed at some point) and then I found myself alone, much to my dismay. Tad found himself alone and found me and we were alone together. So we took our lonely selves off to find the abandoners once known as Stu, Ashley and Spencer. Then Spencer and Tad went away, and I went away, and Stu and Ashley were left in the hot, hot (heat!) cafeteria.

I went back to the institute and felt forlorn for some odd reason. So I went into the other room and played Settlers of Catan. I felt better after that. But once everyone left I felt forlorn again. So I spoiled myself and ate junk food and played Zelda. Good times.

Went off to math and discovered I have an 86 in that class. So, I need to work harder! After class, Nichole and I ended up sitting on a bench talking about books and writing until 7. Then I went to Brother Cottle's last institute class ever (*sob*) and it was so good. I wrote down his address and such so I can write him with questions or something. He is so cool.

Other things happened but... yeah. I care not to expound on them here for the people they concern may read this. The constant risks of having a blog. Whatever.

I think I'll do some math tonight. And some writing. I have good story ideas and desire to write them down.

Ugh, and my one sunburned ear peeled today. It was so random. It just came off! Bleah!


I think I'm getting a cold. My throat hurts. It's not that morning throat sore either. And my nose is stuffing up. *gr* I hate colds.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Who cried during Sleepless in Seattle the first time? Brother Walton!

So, last night and the wee hours of this morning were spent doing art. Massive amounts of messy pastels. My hands are still stained. Even after countless scrubbings of my hands and a shower. Ah well. But I digress.

I had a busy weekend. I worked from 5-10 on friday and was very tired. I got up at 9 on saturday and went to the service project at the stake center. That was supposed to last until noon. We finished at 10:45. 4400 emergency kits! In 45 minutes! Go us! Everyone was so into it and we were so organized! I got there at 10 and put towels in bags until 10:30, when we finished with those kits. Then I ran to the baby blankets section and bagged up those until they were all done. We worked so hard.

Then, at 12, most of my ward showed up and we all played softball until 2:30. I got sunburned, along with the rets of ward. I gave Josh Erskine a ride home. I came home and rested. Took a luke warm bath for my burns. And then spent satursya resting my leg, because I over worked my knee and it started hurting like it used to. It still hurts. *grump*

Sunday, I got up for ward counsel. Went to that. Yay! Church was all around good. Then I went home and we celebrated Stu's birthday early because he's spending the summer with 3900 monkeys. So cool!!! Monkeys!

Today I was so tired, I missed my alarm by an hour and was late to art. Turned in my project and went back to institute and took a five minute nap before Derk woke me up. Then I couldn't sleep anymore. So I visited with everyone. Janelle, Cami, and Jess and I went to Wendy's (my first time!) and we ate. I didn't get sick off the milkshake/frosty thing which means it isn't made of real ice cream. They are full of lies.

When I got home, I took another nap. When I awoke, I made two batches of brownies, printed out the list of facts, and off I went to FHE. FHE was good. Everyone really enjoyed it! I'm so glad they liked it, I spent so long preparing. When I got home, Mom had bought my new work out pants. I suppose they're more capris...

Stuart and I discuss hair.

I showered. Clean! But it aggravated my sun burns. They are red and stingy now.

I go and make myself feel less pain.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Check it! I am burned!

Ack! I'm sunburned! Alas. My arms are pink. And just the top of them. And it's a farmers burn. And there's a white band where my braclets were. X) Ha ha! Poor arms. And nose. My nose is pink too. I should take a cool bath. I want a hot one, but I am burned... Alas.

Cool. I finished my phone calls. I have some rewording and cut and pasting to do, then i'm good and done.

I have a pastels project due monday. Goodie goodie gum drops.

And I hurt my knee being so very active today. It's hurting crazy much! I have to limp or it hurts unbearably. T__T Oww....

Aw, look at the lady bug-- AH!! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?

So yesterday I got a package in the mail from Grant. He sent me some Tim Tam's. I really like these chocolates! Karren showed me how to eat them properly and now I will never eat them another way again. Ever. So good.

I also had work yesterday. I worked from 5-10 and closed with Rowan. I fell in love with 3 pieces of jewelry and a pair of shoes. I vowed to start saving 80% of my paycheck for my laptop, and letting the other bit be for myself to spend. So I got paid a certain amount yesterday... Great, I get 10 dollars to spend! I can save that up too. I can do this, ya'll. I'm capable!

Today, though, I got up at 9 and got dressed in clothes I could work hard and play hard in. I drove to the stake center, arriving just at 10, and helped the stake package up humanitarian kits for disaster survivors. We finished an hour early! I helped the baby blanket packagers too. It was so awesome!

The my ward and I played softball. I warmed up my catching with Jared Collins, then I warmed up my batting, and Josh showed up so I warmed up my throwing with him too. Then we were off into teams and we played softball and we had such a blast! I don't know who won, I don't think anyone cared. We were all having too much fun. Rick cooked us all up some barbeque and we really enjoyed the meat. Meat. Meat. Love that meat.

After everyone ate, those of us who wanted to started practicing our batting. It was awesome. I didn't do too badly. And when everyone was done, I gave Josh a ride home.

Anyway. I'm home and feeling a bit... tired. I have some phone calls to perform, then I'll take a nice bath and a nap. *mmm* Sounds marvelous.

Thursday, May 18, 2006


So, today. What a day. Full of surprises. Turns of events. Thickening plots. Need I go on?

*ahem* I went to weight lifting and it was free lift day or something to that extent. Either way, we were allowed to lift whichever machines we wanted as long as we wanted. It was fun! I played with my friends! It was decided I shall call Tad, Thor. Stuart and I laughed a lot. Spencer took to poking me a lot a lot. I poked him back. They changed and we all went off to the lunch forum.

I think they had a good time. They knew people there. Yay, I like it when my friends enjoy themselves because of something I thought of. The thing being to invite them to lunch forum. I would have been very unhappy if they had not enjoyed themselves. I got to talk to the ever mysterious "Ashley" person in Stuart's phone and wear Spencer's super awesome braclet. They all left after a while and I hung out with my institute buddies.

It wasn't long before most of them left too and I was left alone with Kris. We talked and laughed and it wasn't too bad. Good clean times.

But I went to math first! I used my quick and artful tongue to convince the teacher to accept my late work. I took an exam. I'm a bit nervous about this exam. It's really scaring me. I have no idea how I did. I got an 84 on the last exam, so I'm quite terrified of this one.

When I got home, I checked my mail. I'm only interested in one guy right now, shockingly enough. No really. Only one guy. Very silly of me, hm? Not really. He's pretty much "wow." I'm wowed by him. But I'll be keeping this to myself for a long time. As in... DON'T PRY ABOUT THIS. I am not telling. I will when the time comes, if it ever does. But as of now, don't pick the topic up.

My arm is hurting again. How odd.

I think I'll eat some of my ice cream and watch a movie. Ah, I went to the safeway on Pollard yesterday and bought myself a Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie because I just really felt the desire for one. Bad, I know, but what could I do? It called me.. And it was there. And I had money. It was rather spur of the moment too. On my way home, I just suddenly turned onto Pollard and bought it. Huh.

So yes. Movie. Ice cream. Yay.

I work tomorrow from 5-10. Not as long as last weekend (which was 11-6).

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Miss Misery

Yeah yeah, I know. I always have something to complain about. Well, that's because I write when I'm upset. Write or sleep. Whichever is easier to come by. And right now, it'd be writing.

On tuesday in math, I noticed he circled an assignment of mine because part of it was missing. I knew I had done it and couldn't understand where it had gone! This evening... as I prepared to put together my chapter reviews, I noticed that the assignment had been there all alone! It had been on the last page and just seemed to blend right it! I'm furious! I can't show it to him because he won't buy it. He'll think I did it yesterday and I won't get credit-- I'll get chewed out. And because of my stupidity, the chater 4 review was stuck in with another assignment and is covered with work from that assignment. So I tried to redo the first page to clean it up a bit, but now there's so much empty space. He's going to hate me and I'm going to fail. *misery*

And I got yelled at today a lot. By everyone. Talk about horrible! Today. Just bad! Bad day! Gr!

I accidentally slept through art today. Super... I needed the studio time.

Stu yelled at me because I said "Well, they call them my keys so they sort of are" and said I was being snappy. I know when I'm being snappy and I was making extra efforts not to be snappy because Stu thinks I'm always snapping. And I left really upset because of this and left my english printouts at home.

T_T I felt embarassed too because Kris didn't think I truly believe that only one guy likes me (and I'd rather eat hot forks than date him) and we sort of had an argument about that. I hate that subject.

English was rather pleasant because I sat next to a very nice guy who laughed with me and patted my back when I misspelled repetitive (repetive). He had very warm hands and a nice smile. Too bad the other guy next to me was extremely stinky and sweaty and was over-flowing onto my part of the desk... *shudder*

And I got home and the door was locked. Apparently, stu didn't lock it and because I sent him a message that read "Please stop locking the door..." (because we have had this discussion before) he yelled at me for yelling him. Which I didn' yell. I really tried not to. It's hard though when he calls me in a huff and rants at me about rude text messages.. I can't do anything right.

And I didn't do the dishes while mom and dad were gone. I wish I'd had the time. I was going to do some before I left for school but I sort of... slept through my alarm and such. And I wanted to ask Stu if he'd do them while I was gone since he spends the whole day at home reading and watching TV and ninja footage. But I forgot. Because we quarrelled. Again. *sigh* But the dishes did not get done and when I got home I hurt my foot on the door again (remember?) so I calmed down and then everybody got home and Mom and I went to mutual.

I wanted to bring my math to work on since I had so much of it to do, so I grabbed my back pack but forgot to put my math in it. So I didn't get anything accomplished there. I even embarrassed myself in front of the girls. *sigh* We didn't get home until 9:30 and I went to do my math and my tired day sank it and I fell asleep as my family watch American Idol and Bones. Less time to do math, right there.

When I got up I saw I had mail, so I checked it. As I checked, us kids got chastized for not doing the dishes which none of us had time to do. I eat two meals here a day and tend to rinse my bowls and such and I was trying to explain that (Gordo explained his eating habits, so I wanted to explain mine too) and Dad didn't want us to explain (can't blame him, it's rather silly) but he snapped at me and I felt hurt.

So I went upstairs. I'm not used to my arms and their newfound strength from weight lifting. I was also trying not to cry. And there was a spider. So my door sort of slammed. And I got grounded. For going upstairs and slamming my door. That's called "huffing." I feel like a horrible kid. I didn't do the dishes for my mom as I should have, I huffed, and I snap at my family.

I hate being gone, but it's better than being here because when I'm here I'm just horrible to my family and then I argue with Stu, get grounded by Dad, and Mom feels like I hate her. *sigh* It could be worse.

But today had good points too. I did start The Convienient Marriage, sat next to the nice guy (Joe), my iPod didn't die today, and I wrote some music for a song.

My day could have been horrendous. But it just turned out unpleasant. Yay for simple things!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I'd rather eat hot forks

Oh what a day, what a day.

Woke up a little late, was a bit rushed. Got to class on time though. I hurt my knee last night, right? So I didn't have to do the running portion of weight lifting. Not too shabby for me, eh?

Hanging out at the institute was good. I dozed a bit as I tried to cool off. I did my math. Ate junk food (that part made me feel gross) and talked to people. Very cynical people. Boy. Anthony is so unpleasant to be around, I can hardly stand it!

Math was fine. I didn't finish lab 9 in time though... So... Arg. T__T I don't understand why... Poor me.

Now, on occassion I have found myself with sharp stabbing pains to the right of my left hip bone. It's really painful, but usually goes away. I got some this late afternoon and felt unhappy, but went to institute anyway. As of now, the span of pain has increased to the same spot, only on my back. And all areas inbetween. So the lower part of my left abdomen suffers. It's really quite painful.

But I did just doodle something amazingly happy. I am giggling. X) And now I will write because I feel inspired!