Friday, December 25, 2009


I am making few appearances here, I know. Whatever.

Christmas was awesome this year. Mostly, I was excited to give my gifts to my family. It went like this.

Dad got a set of paintings of the ocean.
Mom got a hard to find book of BoM paintings.
Gordon got Halo: ODST
Brock got a bike
Laura got a pencil drawing of a scene from her book.
Karren got a book of Haikus written by her friends and family.
Stu got a bear with a little doctor's coat and stethoscope.

I was very happy to give them those presents, as most of them were a result of a long time of planning and careful execution.

I got some neat-o things too!
A camera and case
A playskool flashlight, with red/green light features
Lots of gift cards
A lovely necklace

^__^ So, happy Christmas, all!

Monday, November 30, 2009


Three people ask the same question (what's 2 divided by 3?) and get different answers.




And each of their answers makes sense to them.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Concert and Interview

So last night I went to The Sounds' concert in San Francisco. I went mostly to see Shiny Toy Guns, though, as I had arranged to interview Jeremy (keyboardist) after their set. As a result, I missed most of The Sounds set. But it's okay, I interviewed Jeremy for 45 minutes.

It was fun and crazy and I recorded the entire interview on my phone. I've been transcribing for a while now, but it's only a few minutes into the interview. I have a lot more to do.

Once it's edited, I'll post a copy up here. :)

Here it is! It has swears in it, I'm afraid.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

APE? Yes.

I went to APE con. Here's the down low:

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Error page win!

I came across this somewhere and quickly snatched it up. Take a gander!

Listen up!

I was recently exposed to an artist whose style speaks volumes to me. So I wrote this entry in my art blog.

It's frustrating having a dream and trying to balance it between school and a social life. School has to come first above the other two, and I usually end up sacrificing socialness to work on the dream. Not that I aim to avoid being with my friends, because I really want to be with them. So often.

Anyway, it's hard finding time to balance myself. Like I can't really draw until Wednesday evening--when my essays will be done.

Gr, 3 essays due on Wednesday. Gr.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Little things

I really enjoy life. Sometimes, as humans are prone to do, I forget. But some little thing will remind me how awesome it is. So here's somethings I like to rely on.

Cold Honey Bunches of Oats w/Milk
A finely sharpened pencil
Wind chimes
The first sip of new soda
Sunbathing on the carpet in the quiet house
Brisk wind
Sunlight making green leaves glow
A clean bathroom
A new fan of my art
Brady hugs
Blankets far larger than me

Anyway, today was frustrating and disappointing so I needed some time to enjoy life a little. I feel better.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Life accomplishments

My sister has a list of 100 things she wants to accomplish in her life. This is my attempt at seeing how many things I hope to accomplish in my life.

1. Get Married
2. Have kids
3. Live in a foreign country
4. Publish a novel
5. Publish a graphic novel series
6. Learn to drive stick shift
7. Become accomplished on the guitar
8. Learn to the play the Piano
9. Sing in a band (Just once, doesn't have to be famous)
10. Have a booth at ComicCon
11. Shoot a handgun
12. Ride a Bullet Bike
13. Learn Japanese
14. Go to Japan
15. Get a Bachelors Degree
16. Get a Masters Degree
17. Hike a Volcano
18. Go to all 50 states
19. Roadtrip with a friend
20. Travel across Europe
21. Go to Australia
22. Teach English in Japan
23. Go through the temple
24. Knit/Crochet a hat
25. Make something out of glass
26. Learn to dance
27. Make a quilt
28. See my siblings all married and become parents
29. Finish illustrating Collide
30. Illustrate at least 3 graphic novel stories
31. Learn to snowboard or ski
32. Meet the Prophet
33. Hold a monkey
34. Learn Welsh
35. See my children married in the temple
36. See my sons go on missions
37. Have grandchildren
38. Go on a cruise
39. Meet Kazu Kibuishi & wife, Amy Kim Ganter
40. Have a short story in a comic anthology
41. Be a missionary
42. Return to Wales
43. Never get cancer
44. Have a dog
45. Go to India
46. Go to Russia
47. Be accomplished on the Violin
48. Get a degree in Geology
49. Have some of my art featured on a book cover, or in a movie
50. See the Northern Lights

50 isn't so bad. :)

Friday, October 02, 2009

To do

I have realized I love making to-do lists. I get so much more done. Probably?

[ ] Knit Matty scarf
[ ] Read Geog stuff
[ ] Page 12 (or more)
[ ] Ancient Studies paper
[ ] Clean room

What to do first?

Monday, September 28, 2009


I went through my Google Reader subscriptions today, and started unsubscribing from things that often post items that are... not completely evil, but they are not uplifting. Away they went. I'm not even remotely sad about it, either. I don't need to be bombarded by inappropriate sexual humor.

On the home front, I hurt my shoulder about a week ago. I was confined to a chair after that, and did basically nothing. No school, even. Which is a little stressful because I missed a lot of deadlines. But my teachers are being supportive and have given me alternatives and extensions. :)

I was feeling a lot better yesterday (each day brought me a little closer to fully healed) and was able to walk around and do a few things. I decided to sleep in my bed last night. Silly me. I woke up with bad neck pain again. The problem with my bed is that I roll around in my sleep and put bad pressure on my neck. It's always been a little rough on me, and I would wake up with neck pain more than a few mornings a week. But it always dissipated and I was fine.

Clearly, it is not fine.

But I will not be conquered by this little hill. I'll get past it, and find a solution.

Friday, September 04, 2009

A day that is really two days

Today was an interesting day. Why? I shall tell you. At this moment. Please proceed below.


And here.

Also, here. Good, I have you now.

I suppose my "interesting day" began last night when I watched a documentary called, "People Like Us" with my family and it brought to the realization that I am a high quality individual. Not that I did not know this, but I had forgotten. Or something akin to forgetting (Ignoring?). Such a realization instilled a burning panic that screamed, "Buy new clothes!"

So we went to Gilroy this morning, and my father was kind to me and invested some money into a very nice wardrobe for me, including but not limited to, 2 new skirts, 2 blazers, a silk blouse, and a white collar shirt. Also, a pair of caramel colored heels.

It's like my legs are dipped in caramel, making them delicious and desirable (Food analogies are the best).

I then proceeded to my sisters house to hold the baby while she had a very important conversation with a very important man about her very important book which she has devoted very important years to. The result? A fabulous, epic win.

An agent.

There was a lot of excitement when the phone turned off, followed by the phone reactivating as she called some loved ones. I was lucky and heard it first, being in the room with her. The baby was asleep and also has no conscious memory yet. I think.

This happening made me feel unaccomplished for a while. Then I realized that I am 22 years old, in college, teaching myself the guitar, writing 4 novels simultaneously, illustrating a graphic novel I spent 5 years writing, and saving infrequent dollar amounts to have an opportunity to sell my art in a public forum.

So, I'm not doing so bad.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Too many spiders

At this moment, I wish I had my own apartment.

So I could put paintings and illustrations up on the walls, and fill shelves with all of my books. To stick my guitar in the corner, near a chair and a plant. A shelf for my glass blue birds of happiness, and a wooden box for my video games. Also, a small filing cabinet for my art, since the little file box is too small now.

In the corner I could set up my dual screen, keyboard, and tablet, next to my printer/scanner, and CD burner. There would be open space and I would not feel frustrated at the lack of room for anything.

So, anyway. We're watching Hudsucker Proxy downstairs, so I'll probably be going down soon. Or just drawing something to sell.

Oh, and "Owl City" is a fabulous band. Especially, "If my Heart was a House."

Monday, August 24, 2009

So, what have you been up to?

What have I been doing for the past week and a half?


Of course, you have be a member of the site to read the story, and though it's totally free, I know people are adverse to signing up to everything they see. Unless I'm the only one. Which would make sense.

Anyway, it's a story for a contest I probably won't win. But if they hadn't chosen the semi-finalists over a month ago, I might have had a chance. Because it's a cool story.

About dragons.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

My birthday?

Why yes, it is my birthday! And yes, it is my magic birthday!

22 years ago, on this day, the 22nd, at this time, 2:22 am... I was born. Do you see what I'm getting at? It's my magic birthday.

I expect amazing things this year, as a rule.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Totally Idiotic Type Left Elevated

What can I say? Sometimes I just hate titles.

May I recommend some wonderful bands?

The Bravery
Miou Miou
The Myriad
Yeah Yeah Yeahs

That's all I wanted to say for now. Really.

My excited self

I am, once again, attending another Shiny Toy Guns concert. Tonight! :D I'm so excited, that my stomach is upset! Which is unfun. But I'll recover.

In other news, which feels less exciting than the aforementioned information, I have been drawing a lot.

AH, I'm too excited!! Time to plan my outfit.

Monday, July 27, 2009

10 things women supposedly do

Specifically, things women supposedly do that I have never done:

1. Forced myself into a pair of jeans. Mostly because if I can't fit in easily, I will be uncomfortable all day if I have to battle them to fit. If they aren't working, I toss them aside and pick a different pair. AND I HAVE NEVER LAID ON THE BED TO GET A PAIR ON.

2. Sat around with other women talking about my diet. It's weird. I don't know anyone who does that. It seems like the kind of thing you do with your nutritionist. Or personal trainer.

3. Lied about my exercise habits to impress a guy (or anyone). I mean, really? Really? There are so many ways this can, and will, come back to murder you, why bother?

4. Tormented myself with extreme workout regimes after consuming chocolate/sugar/fat. I'm a believer in exercise and keeping in shape (true, I'm not the best at it), but I'm not going to guilt myself into a physically painful 3 hours of intense lifting, running, and aerobics because I had some cake. I'll go ride my bike, or go on an extra walk. Eat less calories for the rest of the day. But not torture.

5. Cry more over a hair stylist/personal trainer quitting than a break up. Actually, just crying over one of them leaving in general. But to be fair, my hair stylist is amazingly fabulous at what she does. But I wouldn't sob and die if she moved to New York. I'd be bummed. I'd ask her to refer me. But not cry.

6. Been thrilled when an illness makes me lose weight. Sure, it's nice to know you lost some weight, but to relish your disease because it's trimming you down is weird. People die because they are too sick to keep weight on. So many other things to be thrilled over. And better ways to lose weight.

7. Dread summer because of swimsuit season. I have a body, it's my body, and it will be seen in a swimsuit. I'll do my best to help it look good, but I will not be as fabulous as a supermodel in one. I accept that. So I will still swim and enjoy myself. Not mope and suffer because people will see the healthy amount of body fat my body carries. Oh noes!

8. Blame someone for "letting" me do something I didn't want to do. If I told someone, "don't let me do this thing" and then I force them to let me do it, I am not going to turn around and chew them out for letting me. Heck, I won't even ask them to prevent it. Well, okay, I have done it and I will probably do it again, but it's not a frequent thing.

9. Obsess over self help books and tapes and live by them religiously. I know the appeal of those books. It's very tempting to believe a single book will reveal the missing knowledge to you that will perfect your mind-over-matter problem, or help you get why guys are so confusing. But they won't. Oh, one or two might have a gold nugget for you that you never thought of, but all in all, nothing. Still, it's fun to peruse them and giggle at the silliness.

10. Bought an article of clothing that didn't fit and swore to slim down into it. That's just silly. It doesn't fit. Odds of you slimming down into it are slimmer than you'll ever be. Just buy a size up and feel good when you tailor it in to fit you.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Where disappointment and regret... Collide

Not really. It's just a great line.

I met a very cool lady this week. She's a singer in LA, but visiting the bay area for a few weeks before she starts he album. Very chill and good people. Russian, so there was a nifty accent.

We discussed music and our passion for it, and my art. She said some things that really made me think. I can't really repeat what she said, for the exact words have mushed away and the deeper meaning is all that remains. Like the film of the ocean on my skin.

I am very afraid of really starting the process of drawing my special project. I keep starting and restarting. I get a few pages in and set the drawings aside in displeasure. And it's getting me nowhere. I feel disappointed in myself whenever I do it, and I dislike that feeling.

Really, though, I just need to do it. Just pour myself into it and draw it. I can go back and redraw things later. But if I don't move, I'll never get there.

So I picked up an old version. One I still like to look at. It's detailed and lovely. And I'm going from where I left off. I'm restarting the last page I left half done, but that's fine. And so far, it looks good. When I have 10+ pages done, I'll show them here. Maybe.

I'm shy.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Caffeine and Headaches

I am prone to migraines. I have been this way for almost two years. Lame. In January, I went back to my neurologist for some medicated help. I asked for something non-addictive that wouldn't hurt my sensitive stomach. He prescribed me something and I went on my way.

Now, 7 months and three refills later, I find myself with awful headaches that require me to take my little pill a few times a day. The conclusion drawn is... I am addicted to caffeine. My Dad looked the medication up on the interweb and found it's SUPER FULL of caffeine. And I've been downing it like crazy. So I'm crazy addicted to caffeine now.

I hate being dependent on a thing. A drug. I HATE IT. I spent my life avoiding sodas and heavily caffeinated things so that I would not have this addiction. And I got it anyway because no one told me I was taking it. I am severely upset by this.

Which leads me to my current predicament. Day four of caffeine withdrawl. Yes. I cut myself off cold turkey. And it's awful and painful. Terrible headaches. But it'll be worth it once the addiction is gone. I am determined in this. And as such, I don't have too awful of a headache right now. Just a little one. Here's hoping it doesn't grow throughout the day!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Star Trek

My responses to Star Trek episodes:

1:7 -
Gasp! He looks like a pirate.
Oh my, why would a piratical looking fellow be traveling with three tempting ladies?
Seduced! Snap!
They are not so pretty..!
Drugs are bad for you.
Lost in a storm is not the best way to go.
Oh, I thought he hated her. Now he is saving her?
Nope, still hates her.
Are they gonna fall in love? Totally.
He has accepted her ugliness.
Turns out she can make HERSELF pretty!
This is an episode about self confidence.

1:8 -
D'awww, bff!
Why do the ladies on board wear tiny dresses with matching undies?
Well, if you hold hands with the captain, your fiance will think you're cheating on him.
Oh no, that red shirt just tumbled to his doom!
No wait, he was pushed by the extremely awkward looking man.
My... She's perky. And almost naked.
Oh snap! They're androids!!
Hm. The captain is naked. Strategically. :3
Doubting your fancy science man now, nurse? tsk. He'll never love you if you do that.
Way to make the androids feel, captain!
Aww, robotic love. Romeo and Juliet style.

1:9 -
There's a man in that box!!
NO Captain! Don't go down there!!
Dr. Noelle is made of pretty. And the Captain TOTALLY remembers her.
Way to put down the lady, men, way to do it.
Oh that is definitely a chamber of horrors. No mistake there.
So wait... that isn't the doctor? Hm.
Spock is going to share his mind with a crazy man?!
NO! Don't get in the machine!!
Machine commandeered!
Noooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Captain!!! D:
So now he's programmed to love Dr. McSexy?
Well guys, he's dead, let's leave the body here. It's cool.

1:10 -
It's a cube... in space... Borgs? Nahhhh!
Yeah, Mr. Bailey, no need for shouting. You should have those adrenal glands removed.
Wow, Bailey is a roll of "wrong" today.
Sweet, cube is gone, courtesy of Bailey and his lasers.
Oh no, now we're facing off with a sphere. Are you sure this isn't the Borg??
Right, so not Borg.
It's a muppet! :D
I doubt you'll kill them in 8 minutes... There's 40 minutes left in the show!
Bailey just went crazy.
These muppet aliens are jerks.
Are Bones and the captain breaking up?
Seriously, Sulu, countdowns are annoying!
Omigosh, are we going to sit here for the last twenty minutes while the muppets DON'T fire?!
Being towed by a lightbulb, brb.
Nice that every alien life form speaks english.
Aww, we're going to save the muppet now.
Uh... Not. Muppets. Small adult/child. What. The. Heck.
Okay, so the muppet/baby is not evil but testing them...
Now he wants a BFF! And Bailey wants to be that friend. I'm thrown for a loop.
Weirdest episode ever..

1:11/12 -
Already, a mystery unfolds! Thanks to a spacey looking female.
Awww, Pike is a Dalek now...
Is Spock kidnapping the mutilated Captain Pike?!
Spock this is almost villainous!!
I am at a loss for words...
Spock--what the heck!!!!
Now he acts all concerned and ashamed. AUGH!
So, this is about lost people?
The commodore seems very suspicious right now...
Ooooh, mysterious bulby headed aliens.
And a creepy girl! D:
Zomg, kidnapping of young pike.
Oh what will happen!!
I'm guessing the aliens are making a zoo.
So the creepy girl is a prisoner too?
Oh, good idea, jump onto the sword.
We're going to shoot this continent destroying laser at a door. Quick, hide behind this nearby rock!
These aliens are selfish.
So the creepy girl is actually old?
Ohhh, so silly!

That's it for today. I'm feeling tired.

Summer stuff

I miss Palo Alto and being close to my friends. I feel very far away from them down here. Unfortunate.


I am writing! A mystery! It's very fun. I enjoy my characters. Well, the girl feels a little bland, so I'm looking for something to spice her up with. She's too nice. I'l fix her, though. But the main guy is awesome and interesting. XD

Also, I'm watching the original Star Trek series. It's so much fun!!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Another break

I'm getting scary close to being done. >_< Sometimes I want to scream and throw pencils around. Other times, I want to lay down and breathe deeply. But a lot of the time, I'm excited when I finish a sequence and it looks awesome.

I'm feeling very nocturnal, and that is a little troublesome. But I'm looking forward to summer and setting my clock back to normal. Awake with the sun and all.

The other day (not sure which day, for they have all muddled together) I stepped out of the art building in the late afternoon, for some food. We usually go for food around midnight, and in a pack, to 7-11. But it was afternoon and I wanted a burger. And when I got outside, the sun was behind a building and out of sight. But the sky was so bright, that my eyes started to burn and water instantly. And I knew I hadn't been in the sunlight for a few days. I was a little sad for myself.

:) My animation is going to be amazing.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Just one more DAAAAAAAAY

And then I'm done. Out of the oven, onto the table. I'll be delicious.

I'm in the very process of drawing a girl dump out her purse and finding--with great astonishment!--that a piano is falling out of it. But I've been drawing this since yesterday. So hello everyone.

I am also enjoying chewy bars. (I miss real food)

And music. LOTS of music.

My classmate is throwing starburst ninja stars at me. I am keeping them and she keeps making more. I plan on attacking her in a short while. It will be epic!

I should like to go get some japanese ramen when this is all done. The place in SF. In Japantown. I will probably die. ^_^

And to read books again. :D :D :D

Thursday, May 14, 2009


I'm at school. I wasn't planning on staying this late, but a number of things happened that put me here. Number one?

My nephew was born:

Thomas Cormack Lyle. He's perfect and lovely. I have yet to meet him.

I was on my way to animate when they called me with the news of Laura's labor. And since I knew I would be of no use and stress myself out if I went up to Redwood city... I continued to animation. I worked to distract myself, but kept getting updates until my mom called me to tell me he was born. And his name. I almost cried. What a wonderful name. What a wonderful day. A perfect, lovely day... <3

I'm going to see him tomorrow. I will snuggle him and love him.

I'm shocked at how much love fills me at just the sight of pictures!! I'm almost terrified at how much I will love my own children one day. Almost terrified. Mostly, I'm excited for that day. ><

I also stayed this late because I really wanted to work hard, and I had to take advantage of it since I have a lot to do. So I've been working like mad. Lots done, but lots to do.

Love to little Tommy. Love from my eternal heart.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

So, what's happening?

What's going on this week, self? Lots of school. LOTS. OF. SCHOOL.

4pm - Meeting with counselor (be out by 4:15, or die)
4:30pm - Turn in Research paper
6:30pm - Book thing
7pm and on - Animate

3pm - Turn in portfolio and first pass at animation
6pm and on - Work on final animation

12:30pm - Turn in portfolio and sketchbooks
4:30pm - Lecture class
6pm - Animate
7pm - Institute
8:30pm - Animate

Yeah. I'm not sure what's going on Thursday. I'm sure I have classes to attend. Or is it Dead day? I'm not sure.

A glimmer of what I've been working on

Just a smattering of whatever it is I do with my time.

This isn't even half, my dears. Not even half. Just some of my favorites. *nod*

Monday, April 13, 2009

Oh random impatience

So, I'm putting off my Design assignment because it confuses me. I'm afraid of it. To procrastinate, I did a number of things:

Rode my bike machine
Did crunches
Argued with myself whether to shower tonight or tomorrow
Ate jellybeans
Contemplated eating goldfish

I then looked at my assignment sheet to go over the assignment. Felt more confused and frustrated. Which led to further procrastination, such as:

Fighting the urge to twitter pointlessly
Chased a small fly
Reread a blog entry in the hopes it would update
Waited for midnight so I could read Luann
Was very happy to see the Luann arc going back to Toni and Brad
Posted a blog entry
Posted another blog entry

And now I am here. Trying to decide how to start my assignment. I'm fighting the urge to feel overwhelmed. I am also contemplating reading a book instead. I must not do this. I also want to get goldfish--still. I might do this.

I will start by planning out my book. That's a good way to go.

I'll probably be back.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Things I Like

Jellybeans (does not include the black ones--which no one likes)
Riding a bike
Getting text messages
Plants on my desk
Biting off half a gummi bear and attaching it to another gummi bears half

Monday, March 30, 2009


I have a little aloe vera plant. His name is Tonari. He is pretty cool. He chills in his little pot and grows.

Recently, his water has been vanishing faster than usual. I filled him this morning and it's already half gone. This vaguely concerns me. I also need to get some more soil for his pot--his roots are starting to show.

I also wonder when he needs to move into a bigger pot. I should do some googling.

As for my other plant... How do you know that a bamboo is growing? And, what do you do when it gets too big? Is Womp getting too big? I should take photos of him everyday and figure it out.

Maybe I'll photograph Tonari too. I love Tonari. I wonder if Womp knows and is holding that against me...

Friday, March 20, 2009

Thursday, March 12, 2009


I stayed up until 2:30 working on a homework assignment. We had illustrations to do in my animation class. We were given words and had to design an illustration to go with it. We did research and 75 preliminary thumbnails. Today, we turn in the line work. And some practice shading.

Anyway, at 2:30 I was almost done. But my wrist got very tired and was hurting very badly. So I had to stop and ice it. Which led to me deciding to rest it for a few hours and sleep. Which helped. I was able to wake up a few hours ago and finish the drawing, take it to kinko's and get copies made. :)

I'm very proud of it. I can't wait to do touch up work and then color it! :D

Sunday, March 01, 2009

What is Love?

MORE amazing.

I love cake foods. And kids. This is the best video ever.

Friday, February 20, 2009


I can't sleep

I lay in bed thinking, "Boy, it'd be the best if I could sleep." But it doesn't happen for me. So I do some drawing. I invented a crazy cool guy with funny feet.

Then I tottered over to youtube.

Introducing, don't touch me!

And, Cat--I'm a kitty cat!!

Tired is setting in. HURRAH!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Legally stupid

I just read an article about a man who raped and murdered a college girl a couple of years ago. The jury decided that he should get the death penalty. The judge has to decide on the death penalty or life without parole.

What I found interesting was that the argument the defending attorney made was that the man was of "low intelligence" and 10 points away from being mentally retarded. So, if the man is on the lower side of the intellectual food chain, it's more excusable? "Forgive him, he's just stupid" is what you're saying?

You know how when an animal--any animal--kills a person, that animal is killed? Why do we kill the animal? I mean, it's just a dumb animal, right? It's just stupid. It didn't know better. Shouldn't we forgive killers if they are too stupid to understand? Right? No. They kill the animals because they don't know any better and could do it again. And it's not humane to keep them boxed up and contained for the rest of its life.

So here was have a human being who killed a girl, and his punishment is between life in prison and death. I don't really care either way, honestly. He committed a crime and he's being punished. But I just had to shake my head at the attorney for making such a ridiculous claim.

People in general are always arguing over the captivity of animals, but never complain when it's time to kill a murdering animal. No one rants over the incarceration of human beings, but throw a fit over the death penalty.

I don't understand the mentality of the general public.

Take a break

Been drawing for a heap long time. Listening to music is an agreeable thing for me. I am especially enjoying Hot Hot Heat.

Woke up in smoking flames
At war with a stranger
Five thousand photographs
Saw them burnt up in anger.
Am I asleep still?
Tell me I could have been
Don't let it tear us apart again
Limb from Limb
Please let me in.

But I don't want to look at you this way
I'm staring through your window.
I don't want to think of you this way
I'm begging baby let me in!
Baby, just let me in!
I'm banging at your door
Just let me in!
Just let me in!

I drank the wine of youth
Ended up in a coma.
It would consume her ton
Wonder nobody told ya
But I'm awake now
First time I've ever been
Able to see what I should have seen
Way back when
You let me in.

But I don't want to look at you this way
I'm staring through your window.
I don't want to think of you this way
I'm begging baby let me in!
Baby, just let me in!
I'm banging at your door
Just let me in!
Just let me in!

It's worth for waiting
Just won't end up saving
Us and it's farewell unless somehow
You let me in!

See I'm awake now!
First tme I've ever been
Able to see what I should have seen
Way back when
You let me in!

But I don't want to look at you this way
I'm staring through your window.
I don't want to think of you this way
I'm screaming, baby, let me in!
Baby, just let me in!
I'm screaming at your door
Just let me in!
Just let me in!

It's worth for waiting
Just won't end up saving
Us and it's farewell unless somehow
You let me in!


Friday, February 06, 2009

Monday, February 02, 2009

My nephew

My nephew is my favorite person in the world. It will take some kind of amazing man to top that kid and my love for him.

He is so spectacular. He is so pleasant and smiley. But he has attitude too. He likes to grab your fingers and tug you along behind him so you follow after. And when he has to where he needs you, he asks for you to get or do what he wants. "Up" if he wants over the baby gate. "Tar" if he wants you to play the guitar. "Go" to go home. "Open" to go into a closed room. And various other terms.

I adore this child. Brady. Our beloved little man. We call him little man sometimes because he is almost a tiny man, to scale. He has little swaggers, wears grown up clothing (but for toddlers!) and even flirts with his smile and eyebrows. I can't help but smile when I think of him.

He loves music so much and dances like a wild man when he hears it too. He tries to sing along and gets better all the time.

Ah. Dear bee-bee.

And now my sister is pregnant with nephew number 2. He will be equally amazing, I am sure. He will be his own self and I love him too. And I will wonder how I ever lived without him. And how I could ever love 2 little people so much as I will love them.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

February Goals

There are some things I hope to accomplish in the next month or so. Hopefully in the next month, mostly.

[ ] Make a stuffed animal a week
[ ] Do one colored illustration a week
[ ] Read at least 5 books
[ ] Finish a personal project
[ ] Spend more time with Laura and Brady
[ ] Finish Matty's scarf
[ ] Finish putting my room in order

I couldn't sleep until I put that down... :3

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Go, Life, go!

After moving, recovering my back, and relearning to live with my knee, my room is coming together. :)

My computer set-up is more organized in this location. I have a shelf right beside my desk and I have decided to settle my printer/scanner there. That leaves me lots of room on my desk, so I'm very pleased about that!

My bookshelves are tucked into the wall too, so I don't have them taking up a lot of space too. I have beanbags in the corner and my guitar beside those. My dresser is by my closet. And I have a lot of free space in the middle. I'm thinking of putting a coffee table there. Maybe a cushion to sit on too. So many possibilities.

I added all the classes I need now. Full time student, that's me. XD Acting and animation fundamentals on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Principles of Animation and Art History of Mondays and Wednesdays. This is will be a good term.


Friday, January 23, 2009

An observation

Today, it occurred to me (through the assistance of a reliable friend) that I come across to most people as--ha ha--an airhead.

How, I do not know.

Okay. I lied. I am rather sure that this is because of my bubbly, happy nature and the high level of my passion for the things that I do. I live passionately. It comes through as excitement and, perhaps, shallowness. But I am not shallow. I get excited about things. I do things fully or not at all. I live, love, and show it. I never thought it would affect me adversely.

Life choices send me down pathways I would not backtrack or stray from. I will not--because I cannot--leave the field of art. I cannot live that way again because it is against my nature. But there are people who look at that choice and think I must not be intelligent enough to make it elsewhere. That's frustrating. I could turn the tables on them and call them boring for settling on whatever career they chose, when they could have chosen whatever field it was because they truly love it. I give others the benefit of the doubt and delve in for the interesting side of them. And I usually find it. But my ever-happy, ready-to-laugh side of me is interpreted as stupid and/or that of an air head.

It makes me want to cry, honestly. How could others think this? How can they not see beyond that? Do I have sit demurely and quietly to get their attention? Do I have to keep my interests and passions silent for fear of the misjudgment? I cannot do that. I cannot refute my nature, deter my ways, and overlook the gifts and passions put in my life by God. This is me.

But I must find a way to present myself--who I am--in a light that also shines on my intellect. On my mind. Show my happiness, show my passion, and show my wit.

I pray for the ability to do this and the clarity to see the way.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Top 10 Favorite Albums of 2008

A good year for music, in my opinion.

1. "Season of Poison" by Shiny Toy Guns

2. "You're Awful, I love you" by Ludo

3. "Fearless" by Taylor Swift

4. "Narrow Stairs" by Death Cab for Cutie

5. "Midnight Boom" by The Kills

6. "Yellow & Elephant" by Eye Alaska

7. "Red Album" by Weezer

8. "We Started Nothing" by The Ting Tings

9. "With Arrows With Poise" by The Myriad

10. "A Hundred Million Suns" by Snow Patrol

Music, for the win! :D

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Create Your Own Sea Kitten at!

PETA makes me laugh with their crazy craziness. And fun fish makers!

We are Pilots

Oh my goodness graciousness.

So, Shiny Toy Guns have 2 albums. We Are Pilots, and Season of Poison. Season of Poison is the most recent one, from November. But We Are Pilots has been out and about since 2005. And there are 3 different rereleased versions of it. I own 2 of them. The 2nd and 3rd editions. :)

The songs I have are from the 3rd version, and so I hadn't ever listened to the 2nd version. I was hiding it away to stare at it. 9_9 *cough* But today I popped it in to see if it was different--I had heard it was. And, whoa, it is. There are. Wow. I like it. :D

At least 4 songs that have changed between 2 and 3. It's crazy and awesome! I prefer the older version of When They Came For Us a LOT more. Shaken is good, but I like the newest better. I like Le Disko, but enjoy Chad's backups. I already knew I liked the older version of You are the One.

So, I'm importing older versions of the songs for enjoyment. :) Huzzah!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Maybe... maybe we will

It occurs to me that it is now the 11th day into a new year (2009, if you didn't know) and I have yet to write a single thing at all. ESPECIALLY concerning my amazing, spectacular new year's adventure!

Which was amazing.

Basically, it went like this.

I like to chatter it up on a forum for my favorite band (Shiny Toy Guns). I don't usually go onto forums. Ever. But I was suckered into it and now have funny little ODD (lovable) friends. One friend and I had joked about her coming up to the Bay Area from Fresno to attend the next STG concert in my area. Ha ha, lol, rolf, etc.

Then they released the next date in my area--New Year's Eve. Not just the evening of, but a party of sorts. I died. Again and again. And then saw the tickets cost 60 dollars. Ew. EW. I couldn't--just couldn't do it. And it hurt to decide that. Oh, ache. I told Natty that and she agreed, heart-wrenchingly, with me.

BUT, life seemed to have ideas. And one day, I flitted to the tickets page (often I would go, to ache and pine away for them) and saw they were on SALE. 35 dollars! D: Now, yes, sounds very pricey, but considering this was to be a BIG party event and that the band of my preferred choice would be there... I thought it was the best price ever. I had also emailed the band with my concerns about whether or not the concert/party would be worth the money (back when it was 60) and they quelled the fears. So I was ready. And I told Natty she should come up. And she agreed. And we made plans. And bought tickets. And it was good.

They took trains and buses from Fresno. I picked them up in San Jose. We enjoyed my home town of Los Gatos (most awesome quaint place) and some lunch with my parents. Then we scurried back to my house.

We spent the evening watching STG videos and chattering. Hannah came over and we all got ready together. I made a pair of earrings to wear to the concert, and changed into my special concert outfit. We all looked fabulous! :D And off we went in Hannah's MusTANG.

Natty, unsure which camera to use

San Francisco is awful sometimes. And we got a little sort of lost. But I was smart and brought a fold out map of the area and we got back to where we needed to be, paid 30 dollars to park 2 blocks from the club, and in we went!!

Natty brought along a special painting she had purchased ESPECIALLY for the band to sign. It is a painting/print of a toy water gun. It's shiny and cool. And large. I brought a fairly rare promo window display available in the UK and only in select record stores. We were amped!!

The 21-year-olds

We got there really early (9:30). The show was supposed to start at 9, but the band wasn't on stage until 11. Warg! But because we got there early, we got the stand dead center, in the front. We gushed as we looked at the keyboards Jeremy would play, the drums Mikey would play like a dance, and the mic's Sisely and Chad would sing on. I almost screamed when they brought out Chad's Les Paul Epiphone Sparkly top and set it out, ready. Oh man. I was shaking Natty like a doll! XD

Gah! Chad's guitar!

Hannah, dancing

Then--oh then--they came out. Sisely had these spandex leggings on and a loose fitting sparkly black top. And these boots--ankle boots with BATS for buckles. AMAZING!! And Jeremy wore his signature T-shirt from another band they had toured with. As well as his old, buckle covered boots. And Mikey had his hair all styled and flippy and just looked great! And Chad had a sparkly silver New Years hat on and red velvet ... suit coat and a handkerchief around his neck.

I don't remember much after that. They played, I sang along. Natty and I screamed a lot. I forgot earplugs and it was SO loud. The first song, Jeremy played Bass on and when he was done he dropped his pick to the floor of the stage. I began to covet that pick and spent most of the concert eyeing it.

At one point, someone tried to cut in front of us and we almost slaughtered her. Ha ha, she backed down fast.. *gr* And then a short annoying boy tried to cut in front of the guys behind us (who were screamingly in love with Sisely and were begging for her to touch their hands) and they were upset, so I did them a favor and pointed out the short-jerk that they were there first. So he fled and the nearest of the Sisely-lovers draped his arm around me and told me I was cool. He took a picture with me and then proceeded to keep his arm around my shoulder for most the next couple songs. I was not pleased!!! I was very angry and therefore distracted through Poison (one of my favorites) and finally started shrugging to get him off.

That aside.

Sisely would be singing and she would lean right into our faces (we were so close, we could lean on the stage!!) and grab our outstretched hands. Chad would sometimes look right down at us and play right at us. And, about 3/4 through the concert, Sisely was dancing around and finally I just started pointing at the abandoned guitar pick (which had been trampled by her and Jeremy throughout the show) and she looked at me and at the pick and then handed it to me!! I got a lot of people trying to trade me for it in a instant. HA. Fail on their part.

Sisely, doing the count down

And when the count down began, they all counted with us and then uncorked a bottle of champagne and they drank some as they played. But not too much. Chad didn't drink any, he focused on playing. But Sisely and Jeremy went to town! >< And after about 1/3 the bottle was empty, Jeremy shook it up and sprayed it into the crowd. It was half gross, half awesome. BTW, alcohol doesn't small good. Fortunately, it dried up and we didn't even smell like it. :) Suddenly, it was over and they were off the stage. My friends started asking the stage hands for the play lists that had been on the stage, and the hands gave them to them. But when I asked for one, there wasn't anymore. So I looked down, kind of sad, and when I looked up he was handing a guitar pick to us and my friend grabbed it. I realized that that guitar pick was Chad's. The one he played the show with. And I traded with her instantly--Jeremy's for Chad's. She traded because she knew how much I adore Chad. I now wear that pick around my neck. Cause I'm dumb like that.

We really wanted to get the band to sign our stuff, but they didn't come back out. We waited for half an hour or more, but still... nothing! Finally, Jeremy popped out for a drink, and Natty asked him if he could help us. He told us to off and fetch our stuff. So we did. And then he told us to follow him, and we trickled after him.

Into a thin hallway, into the back room where smoke and band gear filled the room. A small walkway led to a rickety stair case, which we tenuously followed him up. Up to the VERY small room. 2 couches, a coffee table, and a fridge. A mirror on one wall. And people, everywhere. They were smoking and drinking beers. I felt like a sore thumb, since I don't do either, but I didn't really care. It was just so amazing to be there.

But there was Sisely, chatting with Jackson (a facebook friend I had yet to have met). Mikey was talking to people, all smiles. Couldn't see Chad. Jeremy started trying to gather the band for us, looking at the painting and saying how cool it was. Then he saw my promo piece and got REALLY excited. He got wide eyed about how rare those are (SUPER rare) and everyone--EVERYONE--wanted to see it. It got passed around. The next time I saw it, it was mostly signed by the band. Just missing Chad's signature.

We talked to Sisely for a while, she called us her number one fans too. It was the best. We discussed why she didn't crowd surf this time (the loose shirt was a concern) and how she saw us there totally rocking out! We felt awesome. Got to talk to Jackson, finally. And then, I turned and saw Chad. He was sitting on the couch and talking to some guy. He glanced at me, and in a fit nerves, I stuck my tongue out at him. He started and then made a face at me. I laughed, ever nervous. And then he joined the group. Sisely was signing the painting now, and Chad focused on me and Natty.

Then Chad started saying, "I know you!" Right at me! And I was excited and then he said "You're always online!" Well... I was embarrassed that among the thousands of friends they have on their MySpace, the fact that I am always on stands out. He laughed and said "You're the one who really likes my hair short." And we agreed on that. Then he said, "Oh I'm never online but like you're always there when I am!" And I felt awesome. Then he signed my poster, and I asked him to sign it special and he couldn't think of anything and I said, "Be creative, Bucket head!!" (a reference to an interview the band did once and he had a bucket on his head the entire time!!). And he drew a really awkward picture of a cat, pointing to the V-birds and assuring they were birds and that, right there, was the sun. It was hilarious!

Then he wandered off and I got to talk to Jackson some more. He is Chad's brother in law! Emily's brother! How cool! :D We talked about the music video's and he told me they want to make one for every song from the Season of Poison album. He also went on about how the band appreciates the help from the fans and how it helps the band earn money, so I suggested they sell DVD's of the Music Videos they have made--either one DVD, or a DVD for each album. He looked shocked and thought it was a brilliant idea!! It was such a cool conversation!

And later I talked to Jeremy and asked him to play Chemistry of a Car Crash (my very FAVORITE song in the world) the next time they come to SF. He rubbed his head and told me to talk to Chad. With pleasure! So I found Chad again and said the same thing. He laughed and asked me who told me to say that. Then he got a little flustered and said they want to but no one else in the band remembers how to play it except him. I told him it my favorite song EVER and he got flattered and thanked me. And then I told him he should redo, or rerelease "What Happens" again but under STG (that song was originally released when he and Jeremy were in an older band of theirs and the version us fans have is only a minute and half long and very incomplete). He was kind of surprised and we talked about it and he said it was unfinished, but that's finished now. I got excited and insisted he should release it. He gave a thoughtful look and a promising answer and I think he will contemplate it and maybe actually do it! I hope he will. Hope so much.

Yeah. Then we left. Home we went, sharing the videos and pictures we had taken. Natty and I stayed up a little later then we planned talking and getting tired, but we went to bed around 4. Then I took them to the train the next day and they were gone. I miss those two, they were fun. :)

And THAT, in a very detailed nutshell, was my amazing STG new years. Ha.

Wow. I am long winded... And kind of a freak about this band. But, honestly, what is life if we don't get excited about things? Would it be very fun if we didn't allow ourselves to be completely devoted to something? Isn't that what we do when we fall in love with someone? I am not ashamed of my passion for this band; it means I have passion for life and things that matter to me.