Specifically, things women supposedly do that I have never done:
1. Forced myself into a pair of jeans. Mostly because if I can't fit in easily, I will be uncomfortable all day if I have to battle them to fit. If they aren't working, I toss them aside and pick a different pair. AND I HAVE NEVER LAID ON THE BED TO GET A PAIR ON.
2. Sat around with other women talking about my diet. It's weird. I don't know anyone who does that. It seems like the kind of thing you do with your nutritionist. Or personal trainer.
3. Lied about my exercise habits to impress a guy (or anyone). I mean, really? Really? There are so many ways this can, and will, come back to murder you, why bother?
4. Tormented myself with extreme workout regimes after consuming chocolate/sugar/fat. I'm a believer in exercise and keeping in shape (true, I'm not the best at it), but I'm not going to guilt myself into a physically painful 3 hours of intense lifting, running, and aerobics because I had some cake. I'll go ride my bike, or go on an extra walk. Eat less calories for the rest of the day. But not torture.
5. Cry more over a hair stylist/personal trainer quitting than a break up. Actually, just crying over one of them leaving in general. But to be fair, my hair stylist is amazingly fabulous at what she does. But I wouldn't sob and die if she moved to New York. I'd be bummed. I'd ask her to refer me. But not cry.
6. Been thrilled when an illness makes me lose weight. Sure, it's nice to know you lost some weight, but to relish your disease because it's trimming you down is weird. People die because they are too sick to keep weight on. So many other things to be thrilled over. And better ways to lose weight.
7. Dread summer because of swimsuit season. I have a body, it's my body, and it will be seen in a swimsuit. I'll do my best to help it look good, but I will not be as fabulous as a supermodel in one. I accept that. So I will still swim and enjoy myself. Not mope and suffer because people will see the healthy amount of body fat my body carries. Oh noes!
8. Blame someone for "letting" me do something I didn't want to do. If I told someone, "don't let me do this thing" and then I force them to let me do it, I am not going to turn around and chew them out for letting me. Heck, I won't even ask them to prevent it. Well, okay, I have done it and I will probably do it again, but it's not a frequent thing.
9. Obsess over self help books and tapes and live by them religiously. I know the appeal of those books. It's very tempting to believe a single book will reveal the missing knowledge to you that will perfect your mind-over-matter problem, or help you get why guys are so confusing. But they won't. Oh, one or two might have a gold nugget for you that you never thought of, but all in all, nothing. Still, it's fun to peruse them and giggle at the silliness.
10. Bought an article of clothing that didn't fit and swore to slim down into it. That's just silly. It doesn't fit. Odds of you slimming down into it are slimmer than you'll ever be. Just buy a size up and feel good when you tailor it in to fit you.
4 comments:
I must disagree with #2: I'm sure when you thought you were allergic to gluten and whatnot you talked with all sorts of people about your diet. And #8: I just can't believe you never chewed anyone one out, at least once, for such a thing.
Talking about allergies is not the same as talking about my diet. Allergies vs "omigosh, so I ate a salad for the last, like, three meals because I had some cake." Really?
And you didn't even read all of #8 because I admit I have done it.
You need to review what the definition of a diet is. And you got me on #8. I missed that last part.
Ugh, fine. My allergies to food is technically diet talk. But I don't bring it up in conversation. If someone asks I'll tell them. It's not the same thing at all.
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