A dangerous resolve

Whew, that may not have solved any problems, but it made me feel amazingly better. After a complete and utter melt down (which I am still teetering around the edge of) I washed a box of rasberries, filled up my bathtub, put a bath fizzy in (which turned out to be Wild Rasberry scented, so the water turned a bright reddish pink; I felt like I was bathing in non-sticky juice), got my book, and lounged. It was nice. I even lit a candle.

But my neck and head still ache, my eyes are still red and sore, and I'm still completely racked with terror.

Whatever.

I'm contemplating a makeover. Not in my appearances. Just in my life.

Throwing away all the junk cluttering up my shelves and boxes. Stopping my visits to MySpace and LDSlinkup (maybe once a month or less). Only writing in my blogspots. Not going on IM anymore. Basically restricting my computer use to Word and photoshop/painter. I'm sure I'll still watch anime and read comic books. But, things are gonna change. Or they should.

There are no boys worth my time in my life right now. I realize that. He doesn't like me and that's fine. I don't want a guy who doesn't like me. I'm so turned off by that. He bothers me, now that I think about it. His mannerisms push my buttons.

I will save my money up for the thing I want, but if I can't afford it, I'll buy a new wardrobe. Toss out all my old crappy clothes and buy new stuff.

Finish all the stories I've started and put all finish works in a file. That'll be a good way to kill time.

Things are gonna change. I'll make them.

After I finish crying. Who knows what this bout will end.